Posted: November 3, 2014
The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
Most people who know me say that I am calm. I think my tendency is to be able to see several sides of a situation and be to accepting. I have a good sense of taking responsibility for myself and looking at my side of a situation and how I have contributed to the problem.
I have been processing the last week. I found myself having generalized anger and I have been throwing it out in different arenas. I am not sure how to describe it, but in what I might call social or public arenas.
One was with Aweber, my email service. There was a long-standing problem that cost me upwards of a thousand dollars. The other was with Comcast where my telephone, television and Internet performed poorly this week.
No need to go into the details, but I have been “running anger” in my body for a few days and it has been extremely uncomfortable. This is unusual for me. What I have been doing is noticing the anger in my body and feeling the sensations. It has been important for me to be loving and nurturing to myself because anger can create some major issues given I have adrenal fatigue. It can really wipe me out.
With anger, I need to assess the situation and either make a change or accept the situation. With Aweber, I have decided to change to a new email marketing program, even though I may lose many of my contacts. With Comcast, I decided I will call them and discuss the situation (again) and see about resolving the issues, even though it takes a lot of my time.
In the process of these few days of “angering” though, I realized that I have eaten more sugar than usual and have also enjoyed wine as a way of taking the edge off.
Neither of these is the best solution. Hindsight tells me to journal before I reach for another solution!
Anger is a secondary emotion. It covers up pain and fear. I also have had a sense of wanting to cry, but not being able to and not knowing why. More will come in another blog . . . or as my late, former husband Peter Campbell used to say . . . “More will be revealed.”
Posted: October 26, 2014
Penance, reminded my brother is a very lonely place.
Okay, I was back to the gym and Luke, my trainer changed up my routine. In the racquetball court he set up a ladder. Okay, I was ready to do penance since I exercised less that I would have liked when he was on vacation. I felt like an athlete running through these ropes.
Luke asked me if I was okay with myself or upset with myself since I didn’t follow through with the program he set up for me to do when he was gone. That was a good question. The truth is, I have been loving and compassionate with myself in this process of losing weight and increasing my health.
At this point, I need to eat less to continue losing weight and I need to increase my cardio. What I noticed is that on the days I went to the gym I walked Domingo longer and more often. I was more active all day long. On the days I didn’t go to the gym, I was less active.
Today, I’m not ready to make a specific commitment toward increasing cardio on a regular basis, but in the twilight state tonight, right before I fall asleep, I will prime my subconscious by seeing myself doing several activities to raise my heart rate such as riding my bike, walking faster or running, and my favorite – dancing!
I believe in being gentle with myself. Having adrenal fatigue has taught me that pushing myself just pushes me down, and encouraging, loving, and rewarding myself allows me to be positive and honest with myself.
Posted: October 22, 2014
When people say “If I only knew then what I know now” makes me wonder why they aren’t using that wisdom now.
As much as Luke Brady prepared me before he left on vacation, I didn’t follow through. At the gym he went over all my exercises and weights and wrote them down. Today I have a training appointment with Luke and although I am looking forward to getting back on track, my feet are dragging.
What I did do while he was on vacation. Weights at home, Yoga at the Yasodhara Yoga Center, road my recumbent bike and walked Domingo at least once a day. Nevertheless, it was not enough!
Previously, I blogged about accountability and this is a great testament to my needing to be held accountable. Although my feet are dragging, I am ready to get back to it!
Wish me luck!
(And for all my clients who I hold accountable and know me to be a tough counselor or coach; this is your one chance to call me on walking my talk!)
Posted: October 15, 2014
If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.
Into the third month of my health plan, I’m getting to a place of complacency. What is showing up is the problem underneath . . . which for me has been stress.
My stress as I have shared, comes from doing too much. I won’t go into all that I do. Many of us do too much!
What I will say though is I notice when I over-function, I experience stress. Because I love what I do, I often don’t take the necessary time to rest. Stress is stress! Whether you are having fun or in chaos, it is still stress.
I am happy that I have lost some weight, feel better in my clothes, get compliments, but mostly, I am happy that I feel like I am in control of my life.
My focus for the next few days is to be conscious of what I am doing. Is it necessary? Fun? Relaxing?
This morning I awoke and lie in bed next to Domingo and read Scandalous Housewives: Mumbai on my Kindle. Now, that was relaxing. I enjoyed the comfort of my bed, seeing the tops of the trees and the sky out the window and having a fresh cup of coffee as I lost myself in the lives of these Indian women.
For me what has been under my weight gain has been stress.
Other reasons we may gain weight:
Living in the past
Lack of planning around food
Underlying health issues
Lack of education
There are so many more.
Hope you are using your journal to connect more deeply with yourSelf in your own process toward better health.
Some sentence stems to play with . . .
If you have not used the Sentence Stems yet, you can find how to do this here!
I become stressed when . . .
I unwind best by . . .
If I nurtured myself I would . . .
Posted: September 14, 2014
“Dance is the hidden language of the soul.”
Today is the final day of The Healer’s Gathering and it is bitter sweet. There have been great speakers and I am still integrating all that I have seen, heard, sensed, felt and intuited. I will miss some old friends and new friends, but also now I have Doug and Katie to myself!
Although there were men and women at this gathering, there was a lot of feminine energy. The women and men were loving, nurturing and powerful. The food was healthy and vibrant and the sun shone beautifully.
Matthew lead us in an incredible sound healing session! The stress just fell away!
Katie Cavanaugh watches on as her daughter Lindsay and friends perform the Sacred Dance.
Blessings to all the women and men at The Healer’s Gathering and all the incredible work you to do heal yourSelf, your loved ones, your clients and our beautiful planet Mother Earth. My heart is full of gratitude! More photos to come tomorrow!
Posted: September 13, 2014
“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind”
Yesterday I shared information about the Saboteur Archetype and asked you to journal about your own Saboteur. I committed to doing this myself to find out what was underneath my over-caffeinating behavior on the drive to Sisters, Oregon.
What an incredible experience it was. I sat at my friend Susie’s house overlooking the mountains and journaled. What I realized was I was actually stressed to make this long drive, but I wasn’t letting myself feel this. Instead of planning to care for myself on the drive, I just pushed through.
The other issue was, as much as I was delighted to go to The Healer’s Gathering, I was hesitant to spend three days in a group of 100 people. Being extremely sensitive has been great for my work as a psychic medium, but it also makes some other situations challenging.
When I journaled, I realized that often in my life I have been over-stimulated in situations where others do just fine. For many years I didn’t understand that I was so sensitive and often my responses appeared to others that I was being a victim. Today I know that those of us who fit the category of Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) have to take care of ourselves and plan ahead. It has been nearly impossible for me to communicate so others understand the situation, and it just created conflict.
To all the other HSPs – You are not victims! Say yes to self-care! I’m listening to this too!
In another blog I will share more about Highly Sensitive Persons, but today I want to continue with Archetypes and share about the Victim Archetype.
This information comes from information from Caroline Myss’ work in her Sacred Contracts book and the classes I took from her on Medical Intuition and Sacred Contracts. I have also added information that I have gained from working as a mental health counselor and chemical dependency professional for over 20 years.
Remember that we all have 4 archetypes that we share. These are the Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute. The gift of the Victim Archetype is Self-Esteem.
In the process of self-healing, you have to come to terms with your victim self and move beyond this state of being. You can identify your victim, confront the behavior, love and forgive yourself and bring your energy into present time. In fact, unless you can bring at least 80% of your energy into present time, you will not have the power to self-heal. What do I mean by bringing yourself into present time? Watch your thoughts. Do you go off to the future (which can create anxiety) or drift off to the past (which can cause depression) or are you able to be present in the moment?
Enjoy exploring this archetype that can bring you high self-esteem once you embrace this part of yourself and move on!
Guardian of Self Esteem
Core issue is whether it is worth giving up your own sense of empowerment to avoid taking responsibility for your independence.
When you don’t stand up for yourself after awhile you no longer can tell the difference whether you are being victimized or not; so either you are being victimized and don’t know it or you are not being victimized, but act as if you are.
The victim archetype helps you decide what you will or will not do; a guardian of personal boundaries.
Lessons associated with the victim archetype demand that you evaluate your relationship to power, especially with people with whom you have control issues and have to set boundaries.
Primary objective is to develop self-esteem and personal power.
You have contracts with people whose primary purpose is to help you develop yourself-esteem through acts of honesty, integrity, courage, endurance and self-respect.
The victim will entice you to feel sorry for yourself.
You can act like a victim and give in or call upon your companions and guides for help.
Like the lion in the Wizard of Oz, you need to have the courage to look at your victim and make it your ally.
Do you victimize yourself in the way you interpret conversations with other people?
Does your victim alert you to protect yourself rather than letting people take advantage of you?
Does your victim motivate you to be shrewd in the dealings of whatever house it is in?
Does your empowered victim allow you to take risks in your life?
The victim urges us to act appropriately when we are in danger of being victimized.
The victim can alert us to being victimized through passivity and rash or inappropriate actions.
It can also alert us to how we victimize others for personal gain.
In shadow it may show how we play victim for sympathy or pity.
Join with me in delving into this Victim Archetype in your journal!
Posted: September 12, 2014
“What drains your spirit drains your body. What fuels your spirit fuels your body.”
It was an easy seven hour drive to Sisters, Oregon and when I arrived, I was so happy to spend time with my dear friends Doug and Katie Cavanaugh. Matthew Kocel, one of the speakers at The Healer’s Gathering was there too and I was able to listen to them jam! Dancing was fun too!
Where I really messed up on the drive though, was getting my second sugar-free soy latte on the road. Somehow my wisdom went out the door and almost half of my food intake was from lattes. Feel free to share why soy, coffee, and sugar free products are not healthy. I get it!
Rather than beating myself up though, I am going to journal and explore the Saboteur within. This clearly was a self-sabotaging behavior. According to the teachings of Caroline Myss there are 4 main archetypes we all share. They are the Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute.
From Caroline’s Sacred Contracts class, her book and my own experiences, I have created a list of characteristics of the Saboteur archetype. The Saboteur Archetype is the Guardian of Choice.
The core issue of the Saboteur is fear of inviting changes into your life; changes that shape and deepen your spirit.
The other side of destruction is rebuilding and rebirth.
Use the saboteur to consciously dismantle areas of your life you need to fix or heal.
Makes itself known through disruption and resistance.
You can silence the saboteur with acts of courage and following your intuition. Listen to the small voice and make choices – small ones to begin with.
The shadow saboteur will play on your fears that you are not good enough to accomplish anything on your own.
We are afraid that if we are enlightened we will be alone, wont’ be vulnerable, capable of sensual love, so we feed the shadow saboteur, the part of use that is fragmented.
We fear empowerment because we think it will remove us from the warmth and comfort of loved ones.
We fear empowerment because we don’t want to be responsible for our actions and therefore consciously or unconsciously encourage our weakness and hold onto our fears; we do want to be around others that are empowered or enlightened though.
Work with your saboteur to see where you may be doing yourself in (what are you doing you know you should not be doing and what you are not doing that you know you should be doing?
When you make the saboteur your ally it can call your attention to ways you might be sabotaged or sabotage yourself and then you can make other choices The intellect of the scarecrow can work with your saboteur to alert you to when you are doing yourself in.
Join with me and delve into your own Saboteur and become clearer on your own Choices!
Posted: September 11, 2014
Brings up a great song memory doesn’t it? Well, I am driving at this time and on my way to two events. One is The Healer’s Gathering created by my dear friend Katie Cavanaugh. This is a group of 100 healers coming together “To Get Inspired and Empowered to Awaken your Healing Wisdom as You Tap into the Highest Purpose of your Soul!”
I am so excited to spend this time with Katie and the others who are on a similar path. Today is a driving day and so I will check in tomorrow. In addition to the veggies I’ll snack on I have some yogurt and cheese sticks. Not the best food, but being hypoglycemic, I know my body’s requirements around protein and carbohydrates and I don’t cook.
I’ll share about the second event later!
If you are interested in this 10 day trip –
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Posted: September 10, 2014
”Our bodies are apt to be our autobiographies.”
– Frank Gillette Burgess
I started the day today with working out at the gym with my trainer Luke Brady. It feels great to become stronger, but I have to be careful. As I wrote about in my book, when my energy was low, I worked out four or more days a week at Curves trying to increase my stamina and to become stronger. The problem was, my adrenals were shot! This plummeted me down into a health crisis and I could hardly do anything for about a year.
After my first full hour of training with Luke on Friday, later I realized I was wiped out. Today, although we had an hour scheduled, I knew it was too much. We both agreed that 30 minutes of weights and then some stretching worked better. Love the child’s pose!
Several years ago, after wiping out my adrenals with too much work and then too much working out, I was really afraid to exercise. That is when I gained all the weight and ultimately didn’t feel healthy. Now, as I work out at the gym, I feel like I am honoring my body by listening to it and knowing when it is too much. I want to push myself to become strong and build muscle, but when I feel light headed and dizzy and know it is too much. Today I can make up to my body by listening and honoring her!
Luke and I have both been on the same page as far as my workouts go and I feel really supported by him. It is really nice to have him to talk with and validate my experiences and give me the gems of knowledge he has as a professional athletic trainer. It’s all good!
Posted: September 9, 2014