“The idea in our culture of body solely as sculpture is Wrong. Body is not marble. That is not its purpose. It’s purpose is to protect, contain, support, and fire the spirit and soul within it, to be a repository for memory, to fill us with feeling – that is the supreme psychic nourishment. It is to lift us and propel us, to fill us with the feeling to prove that we exist, that we are here, to give us grounding, heft, weight. It is wrong to think of it as a place we leave in order to soar to the spirit. The body is the launcher of those experiences. Without body there would be no sensations of crossing thresholds, there would be no sense of lifting, no sense of height, weightlessness. All that comes from the body. The body is the rocket launcher. In its nose capsule, the soul looks out the window into the mysterious starry night and is dazzled.”
– Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes Women Who Run with the Wolves
“What drains your spirit drains your body. What fuels your spirit fuels your body.”
It was an easy seven hour drive to Sisters, Oregon and when I arrived, I was so happy to spend time with my dear friends Doug and Katie Cavanaugh. Matthew Kocel, one of the speakers at The Healer’s Gathering was there too and I was able to listen to them jam! Dancing was fun too!
Where I really messed up on the drive though, was getting my second sugar-free soy latte on the road. Somehow my wisdom went out the door and almost half of my food intake was from lattes. Feel free to share why soy, coffee, and sugar free products are not healthy. I get it!
Rather than beating myself up though, I am going to journal and explore the Saboteur within. This clearly was a self-sabotaging behavior. According to the teachings of Caroline Myss there are 4 main archetypes we all share. They are the Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute.
From Caroline’s Sacred Contracts class, her book and my own experiences, I have created a list of characteristics of the Saboteur archetype. The Saboteur Archetype is the Guardian of Choice.
The core issue of the Saboteur is fear of inviting changes into your life; changes that shape and deepen your spirit.
The other side of destruction is rebuilding and rebirth.
Use the saboteur to consciously dismantle areas of your life you need to fix or heal.
Makes itself known through disruption and resistance.
You can silence the saboteur with acts of courage and following your intuition. Listen to the small voice and make choices – small ones to begin with.
The shadow saboteur will play on your fears that you are not good enough to accomplish anything on your own.
We are afraid that if we are enlightened we will be alone, wont’ be vulnerable, capable of sensual love, so we feed the shadow saboteur, the part of use that is fragmented.
We fear empowerment because we think it will remove us from the warmth and comfort of loved ones.
We fear empowerment because we don’t want to be responsible for our actions and therefore consciously or unconsciously encourage our weakness and hold onto our fears; we do want to be around others that are empowered or enlightened though.
Work with your saboteur to see where you may be doing yourself in (what are you doing you know you should not be doing and what you are not doing that you know you should be doing?
When you make the saboteur your ally it can call your attention to ways you might be sabotaged or sabotage yourself and then you can make other choices The intellect of the scarecrow can work with your saboteur to alert you to when you are doing yourself in.
Join with me and delve into your own Saboteur and become clearer on your own Choices!
”Our bodies are apt to be our autobiographies.”
– Frank Gillette Burgess
I started the day today with working out at the gym with my trainer Luke Brady. It feels great to become stronger, but I have to be careful. As I wrote about in my book, when my energy was low, I worked out four or more days a week at Curves trying to increase my stamina and to become stronger. The problem was, my adrenals were shot! This plummeted me down into a health crisis and I could hardly do anything for about a year.
After my first full hour of training with Luke on Friday, later I realized I was wiped out. Today, although we had an hour scheduled, I knew it was too much. We both agreed that 30 minutes of weights and then some stretching worked better. Love the child’s pose!
Several years ago, after wiping out my adrenals with too much work and then too much working out, I was really afraid to exercise. That is when I gained all the weight and ultimately didn’t feel healthy. Now, as I work out at the gym, I feel like I am honoring my body by listening to it and knowing when it is too much. I want to push myself to become strong and build muscle, but when I feel light headed and dizzy and know it is too much. Today I can make up to my body by listening and honoring her!
Luke and I have both been on the same page as far as my workouts go and I feel really supported by him. It is really nice to have him to talk with and validate my experiences and give me the gems of knowledge he has as a professional athletic trainer. It’s all good!
“It’s probably my job to tell you life isn’t fair, but I figure you already know that. So instead, I’ll tell you that hope is precious, and you’re right not to give up.” ― C.J. Redwine, Defiance
This series of blogs called iwannabeaskinnybitch.com began July 30, 2014. This has been my journey into health, exercise and weight loss after having a breakthrough in the journal class I was facilitating on the Fifth Chakra – The Power of Communication. You can read the whole story in this blog, but it ended with clear communication with mySelf and getting a personal trainer for exercise.
Well, I just about lost it! I was on a great path, being motivated and eating well and losing weight. Then I had some oral surgery which involved Hydrocodone, the withdrawal from Hydrocodone. Ugh!
Even though, Domingo walked me daily and we took some incredibly beautiful long walks. The day I was scheduled to go back to the gym, it was a rainy day. After a series of really hot days, I really wanted to just curl up and read.
I could see how I would have found all kinds of excuses not to go to the gym. Then I would be upset with myself and possibly give up on the process all together.
My scheduled appointment with Luke Brady was a godsend! I looked forward to his reminder text and showed up wimpy and disheveled. I just about lost it – I almost gave up. Instead – I left the gym energized, feeling hot, happy, motivated and back on track.
Whatever your struggle to get healthy, whether it be changes in diet, increasing your movement or educating yourself about your body, mind, Spirit connections – invest in yourSelf! Don’t give up!
In order to play jazz, you have to be able to play the blues. Robert Cray
There has been so much change recently!
Change usually happens in several areas of your life at once!
In addition to going to see my trainer Luke and feeling my body change, I have been getting acupuncture and am on a Chinese Herb cleanse. Now, it would be much better to shift my whole diet during this cleanse which is about six weeks, but not for me. I am enjoying my morning coffee and did have a drink when I went to see Robert Cray on Monday.
Monday night I planned to eat at PF Changs and then go to the Bing Crosby Theatre to see Robert Cray. Instead intuitively I was directed to eat closer to the theatre. I decided upon the Peacock room at Davenport Hotel. I ordered a Cesar Salad and a glass of scotch with a twist of lemon. I asked the bartender to give me my check because there was a concert and I wanted to see if I could buy a ticket from someone who had an extra. The man sitting next to me at the bar said there were still tickets left.