My feet are dragging . . .

When people say “If I only knew then what I know now” makes me wonder why they aren’t using that wisdom now.

 Rob Liano

Luke and Candess

Luke and Candess

 

As much as Luke Brady prepared me before he left on vacation, I didn’t follow through.  At the gym he went over all my exercises and weights  and wrote them down.  Today I have a training appointment with Luke and although I am looking forward to getting back on track, my feet are dragging.

What I did do while he was on vacation. Weights at home, Yoga at the Yasodhara Yoga Center, road my recumbent bike and walked Domingo at least once a day. Nevertheless, it was not enough!

Previously, I blogged about accountability and this is a great testament to my needing to be held accountable. Although my feet are dragging, I am ready to get back to it!

Wish me luck!

(And for all my clients who I hold accountable and know me to be a tough counselor or coach; this is your one chance to call me on walking my talk!)

Iwannabeaskinnybitch!

Candesscampbell.com

 


Change your Mood

“I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad.

Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.” 

― Sylvia PlathThe Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

When in sessions with clients, it is common they share memories and situations from the past. Memories from five, ten, twenty years ago surface as if they were happening right now. As they tell their story and express their feelings I can see the anger, fear, or sadness take over.

Healing the feelings from the past is important, but often there is the tendency to re-play the past and then the feelings don’t heal. The feelings deepen like water that flows to form a crevice in the earth.

What is great is you have control over what you think and this affects your feelings! It takes practice, but you can change this habit.

When you begin to re-play something from the past that is painful or negative. STOP. Think about what was positive about the person or experience.  Write it down. This does not undo what you feel they did to you, but it does help free YOU from the past. You are in control!

Try writing about the situation from the outside looking in. Then write it again from the other person’s perspective. This can be amazing!

You can also replace the negative memory with another experience that was positive. For instance I image playful times with my friends or my experience swimming with spinner dolphins.

You have more direct control over changing your thinking than your feelings so think yourself into feeling happy, joyful and alive!


Collapsed, Rigid and Healthy Boundaries

“No” is a complete sentence.”              ― Anne Lamott

Entering into the New Year, we find ourselves getting out more, getting fit, eating better, spending time with old friends, and meeting new friends.  Often though with amazing technology we also connect through our phones and computers, using social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter and dating sites.

In my mental health counseling office, recently a client shared with me she saw her boyfriend change his relationship status on Facebook from single to being in relationship with another woman.  A different client shared she couldn’t create a separate email from her husband because he checked her phone everyday to see who she texted and emailed.

A woman I know met a man on line and fell in love. They talked on the phone and Skyped for months and then he had a crisis and needed some financial support. She sent him money and didn’t hear from him again.

These situations lead me to reflect on the impact technology has on boundaries. It appears there is an intimacy created online that is not grounded in reality. Take this opportunity to assess your own boundaries.

Do you have rigid, collapsed or healthy boundaries?

Are you more likely to allow others to cross your boundaries or do you cross others boundaries?

Do you find you get too close to people physically and you see them back away?

Do you find yourself alone in a corner in a group and not reaching out to others?

Note that the way you set your boundaries changes over time. You also may behave differently depending on the situation and how you feel at the time. This is a general guideline you can use.

Collapsed Boundaries can be identified by: 

  • Sharing too much personal information too soon.
  • Saying yes when you want to say no for fear of rejection.
  • Doing anything to avoid conflict.
  • Having a high tolerance for abuse.

Rigid Boundaries can be identified by: 

  • Saying no to a request if it will involve close interaction.
  • Staying so busy you don’t take time for intimate relationships.
  • Being unable to identify you own feelings, wants or needs.
  • Making little self-disclosure and holding people at a distance.

Healthy Boundaries can be identified by:

  • Having the ability to say yes and to say no.
  • Being able to hear no from others and seek other resources to get your needs met.
  • You reveal information about yourself gradually and self-disclose appropriately.
  • You have relationships with shared responsibility for the relationship without blaming.

Check out the full Boundary Self-Assessment.


Changing Your Mood

When in sessions with clients, it is common they share memories and situations from the past. Memories from five, ten, twenty years ago surface as if they were happening right now. I see their feelings and physiology follow their story.

Healing the feelings from the past is important, but often there is the tendency to re-play the past and then the feelings don’t heal. The feelings deepen like water that flows to form a crevice in the sand.

What’s great is that you have control over what you think and this affects your feelings! It takes practice, but you can change this habit.

When you begin to re-play something from the past that is painful or negative. STOP. Think about what was positive about the person or experience. Write it down. This does not undo what you feel they did to you, but it does help free YOU from the past. You are in control!

Try writing about the situation from the outside looking in. Then write it again from the other person’s perspective. This can be amazing!

You have more direct control over changing your thinking than your feelings, so think yourself into feeling happy, joyful and alive!