When people say “If I only knew then what I know now” makes me wonder why they aren’t using that wisdom now.
As much as Luke Brady prepared me before he left on vacation, I didn’t follow through. At the gym he went over all my exercises and weights and wrote them down. Today I have a training appointment with Luke and although I am looking forward to getting back on track, my feet are dragging.
What I did do while he was on vacation. Weights at home, Yoga at the Yasodhara Yoga Center, road my recumbent bike and walked Domingo at least once a day. Nevertheless, it was not enough!
Previously, I blogged about accountability and this is a great testament to my needing to be held accountable. Although my feet are dragging, I am ready to get back to it!
Wish me luck!
(And for all my clients who I hold accountable and know me to be a tough counselor or coach; this is your one chance to call me on walking my talk!)
“Why not ask a Loving Parent to help us reclaim our childhood innocence and to live more gently today?”
This week there has been a theme of addiction with my clients. Alcoholism and drug addiction affect the whole family. I remember when I first became a chemical dependency counselor back in the early 1980s. One of the poems I loved was this one. Maybe you can relate.
Daughters of the Bottle
until I was twenty-two
I didn’t think anyone else
had a drunk for a mother
then I met lori, joannie and susan
I recognized them immediately
by their stay away smiles
they were leaders in their work
who would say they were sorry
if somebody bumped into them
on a crowded street
I call on them
once in awhile
they always come
children of alcoholics
Juggler in A Mirror
“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.”
― C.G. Jung
Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel like you are crazy? This was a familiar feeling for me as a young woman when the love of my life was alcoholic and I came from an alcoholic home. Then I became a chemical dependency counselor, and began to understand. When you are in a relationship with someone who is addicted, you often feel like you are crazy.
How do you know if your relationship is dysfunctional?
1. You keep saying the same thing over and over again and it does not help the situation. You are either not heard or ignored.
2. You do everything you can to fix the situation to no avail.
3. Your friends get tired of your ongoing drama and you feel isolated.
4. You begin to doubt yourself.
5. Tension builds and there may be an outburst (yours or theirs) and then there is the period where things go better and you feel guilty and try harder, just to end up right where you were before, only deeper, more depressed, uncertain, depressed or exhausted.
6. You make excuses for his behavior.
7. You hold onto any kind word or gesture and immediate think it will get better, even though it never does.
8. You think you will never be able to find anyone else and so you stay.
9. You feel confined, trapped and are afraid to leave.
This is the pattern of being in a dysfunctional relationship. You begin to feel like you are crazy. I see this often in my counseling private practice. It is usually the partner of the addict who shows up for advice. The addict himself rarely seeks out help. Too often when the codependent realizes she has to make some changes, she stops coming until the situation escalates. In order for an addict to hit bottom they usually have to have legal trouble, health issues, lose their job, lose their family, or death.
If you find you are in this kind of relationship, before your self-esteem tanks totally, I strongly encourage you to educate yourself. One resource I like is the book Codependent No More by Melody Beatty. I also suggest contacting a local counselor that is educated in chemical dependency. When you get to the stage of feeling crazy, reach out for help before the disastrous incident. There is help!
Watch for the blog on Addictive Relationships!