Steps to Resolving Conflict
Posted: January 24, 2014 Filed under: Energy Medicine DNA | Tags: aggressive, anger, aura, Beach, body, body language, boundaries, Brighton, Brighton Beach, Brighton Beach Memoirs, broken record, broken record method, Candess, Candess Campbell, Candess M. Campbell, clear communication, clearing conflict, communication, communication patterns, conflict, desire, direct communication, emotions, energetic, Energy, fantasy, fearful, golden white light, ground your energy, grounding, grounding cord, healthy, healthy boundaries, heart, heaven, honest communication, hurt, I heard, I heard you say, IHUS, Interplayers, intuition, Jewish, journal, language of life, life, light, Marshall B Rosenberg, Memoirs, negative, negative communication patterns, Neil Simon, Nich Witham, Nonviolent, nonviolent communication, nonviolent communication a language of life, parents, passive, passive aggressive, poverty, puberty, relationship, relationship series, Rosenberg Marshall Rosenberg, sexual, Simon, steps, subversive, Theatre, white light 2 Comments“Sure it hurts, but if you love someone, you forgive them.” Blanche
“Somethings you forgive, somethings you never forgive.” Kate”
Neil Simon, Brighton Beach Memoirs
Recently at Interplayers Theatre, I saw the play Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon. It was an incredible performance that exemplified the topic at hand – conflict.
The story is about Eugene, an adolescent, Jewish boy in 1937. He recalls his memories of living with his parents, aunt, two female cousins, and his brother at a time when he was going through puberty, sexual fantasy, poverty, and living in a crowed home. In this play, Eugene Jerome, played by Nich Witham, gave an over-exaggerated sense (in a fantastic performance) of not being heard and doing what he could to find his place and get his needs met in this family.
This play was a great backdrop for me to expound on how to resolve conflict and the pitfalls of communication. Here are some helpful steps.
Clear with this person on an energetic level.
1. Ground your energy. Here is a video that will teach you to do this. http://bit.ly/wBHJbh
2. You have an aura around you which is part of your energetic self. Imagine pulling your aura in around your body. Pull it in about 6 – 8 inches around you.
3. Focus in your heart and bring your attention out of the top of your head into the heavens.
4. Image the person there with you. At this level, send them love from your heart. You may also imagine sending them golden white Light from your heart.
5. If you can do this without anger or negative feelings, talk with them at this level
6. Come back down, image yourself filling up with golden white Light and release any leftover energy down your grounding cord.
Steps to resolve conflict in person.
1. Write out the situation in your journal and then re-read it the next day. Sometimes it helps to do this a few times, so that you can become clear on what happened and what you want to communicate.
2. Become aware of your own part of the situation, even if you perceive it to be minor in comparison to the other person.
3. If you are angry, look at where you may be feeling hurt or fearful. These emotions are often right under the surface of anger. Feel your feelings and let them go. Journal them over and over if need be.
4. Contact the person you are having conflict with and use clear, direct, honest communication. I suggest you meet in person (not via text or email) because this allows you not only to read the body language, but also to open your heart.
5. Give the other person the chance to communicate their side completely. It is helpful to use the words, “I heard you say,” and repeat back to them what you heard and let them clarify. This helps them to feel heard. You can hear what someone is saying without agreeing with them. It is important that you hear.
6. Once the other person feels heard, share your side. They may not listen well and you may not feel heard. If that is the case use the broken record method. Continue to say the core message again and again, “I hear what you say, and ______.” Yes, that is true, and _______.” Do this until they are able to understand they are not hearing you.
7. Make a request of the person such as “My request is we put this behind us and go on from here,” or “My request is that we continue to meet and talk weekly until we can resolve this.” You can use whatever it is that you desire.
8. Trust your intuition, and use as many of these steps as you would like. If the person is not willing to meet with you or clear the situation with you, then move on and let it go. No longer allow them into your energy field and set healthy boundaries. (I will share more about this in a future video and blog.)
Sometimes people have a hard time clearing conflict because of negative communication patterns. Often these reactions were learned in early childhood as a survival response to a dysfunctional family. In this case they may triangle in other people to take sides, or become passive aggressive and rather than talking with you directly, they will be passive in their aggression in a subversive manner.
One of the books I recommend for healthy communication is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg
You can find other valuable information at http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-toolbox
The Ugly Duckling
Posted: January 12, 2014 Filed under: Energy Medicine DNA | Tags: 12 weeks to self healing, A Tale of Two Cities, abuse, archetype, beliefs, best-seller, bullied, Candess, Candess Campbell, Candess M. Campbell, Charles Dickens, communication, desire, Dickens, excluded, fairy tale, flock, listening, Live Encounters, magazine, opinion, pain, relationship, self-esteem, Self-Healing, swans, Tale of Two Cities, teased, transformed, truth, Ugly Duckling, voices Leave a comment“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.”
― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
November 1843, Hans Christian Andersen’s story, The Ugly Duckling was published in Copenhagen, Denmark. This amazing fairy tale has been read and re-read by adults and children alike, all over the world.
The story, as you probably know, is about a baby bird raised by a mother duck in a flock of other ducklings. The bird was teased and bullied unmercifully throughout his life, because he looked different and behaved differently. As an adult, the bird sought out and joined a flock of swans finding them to be beautiful birds. Although he expected the same abuse, the swans were open to his joining with them and they accept him. One day this ugly duck saw his reflection in the water and realized he was not an ugly duck at all, but really was a beautiful swan. He found his flock and fit right in. He was transformed.
Common to all of us is the desire to be heard, seen and understood. Many of us can relate to this archetypal story of not fitting in and finding ourselves teased, attacked or excluded. We continued to look for and hoped to find “our people”, our flock or our tribe. In the journey of doing so, we often changed our opinions or beliefs. Sometimes we gave up our voice and became silent, all in an attempt to fit in.
So often I hear someone telling another person what “the truth” is and insist on what they “should” be doing or thinking. Communication becomes about what is right or wrong. Opinions become polarized and those who do not agree with either the loudest voice or the group voice can be intimidated, shamed or alienated.
Over the years, the precious beliefs developed as young people get lost in the mass of voices and one’s self-esteem takes a hit. So often when working with clients, the undercurrent of their situation is a feeling of being unworthy or undeserving. How others have treated them guides their beliefs about themselves.
What would happen if, instead of stating your opinion and telling someone what you think, you asked the person to explain more about what they were saying? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how your relationships change if you went into conversations with the sole purpose of understanding their point of view. How would your posture change if you were there just to receive, to just hear the story?
My focus is on Relationship for the New Year. I challenge you in the month of January, and hopefully throughout the year, to practice “just listening.”
Now, there will be times to share your opinion and have debates of course, and to enjoy the fun and creativity of a dispute, but let’s change it up a bit. Think about a few people in your life that are important to you. Make a conscious choice to have a couple conversations with them where you just “hold the space” for their musings, for their sharing, for how they see the world. Experience them deeply. Look into their eyes and be present to them. Give them the gift of being heard, seen, and understood. Bring them into your fold and see them as the swan they truly are. Allow your loved ones to be transformed by the incredible generosity of your listening.
Candess M. Campbell, PhD is the #1 Best-selling author of 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine. She is an international Psychic Medium, Intuitive Consultant, Speaker, and has practiced as a mental health and chemical dependency counselor for over 30 years.
Changing Beliefs in the New Year
Posted: December 20, 2011 Filed under: Energy Medicine DNA | Tags: 12, and, authentic, beliefs, Bob, Campbell, Candess, Cause, creativity, desire, Dreambuilder, Effect, empower, Energy, entrepreneur, Genius, Getting, gratitude, Grow, Into, Law, laws, Lipstein, M., Mary, Mastermind, Medicine, Morrissey, motivational, of, paradigms, passion, PhD, Proctor, questions, Rich, safety, science, security, Self-Healing, seminars, speaking, success, Tags:, The, think, thinking, to, transforming, truth, universal, Valerie, Weeks, with, working, your Leave a commentAs we think about New Year’s Resolutions, it seems to me in order to end the year with the desires we chart at the beginning of the year, we need to change our beliefs. Valerie Lipstein, a Results Specialist, Certified Coach and Consultant has agreed to share with us about changing Beliefs!
Valerie, there are so many people today who are hoping to make changes in their lives by changing their beliefs. I understand you teach about changing beliefs. What do you teach?
I love this topic and believe it’s one of the biggest stumbling blocks to our success. Our beliefs are so powerful and they affect around 80% of our behavior and the results we get. In fact, the Law of Cause and Effect says that our results are reflective of our thinking yet many still believe that their results are the cause of some outside force or circumstance. It is true that many people want to make changes, however without knowing about and learning how to re-program the subconscious mind imprinting it with what they really desire, most people do not change. They become frustrated and look at outside circumstances as the culprit.
You must understand the concepts first and then have strategies and practices to shift outdated, ineffective and destructive paradigms. Thinking authentically and asking empowering questions are two powerful strategies. Most people think shallow thoughts and their results in life are reflective of this.
Situations occur all the time. We often label them “good” or “bad.” We are unhappy when things seem bad yet once we get in harmony with the immutable laws of the universe we realize that situations are really neutral. It’s our surface mind that attaches the labels which can keep us in our prisons; all the while we only need to push the door open and walk outside.
We look at our beliefs and challenge the dis-empowering ones. We really live in an abundant universe. To know this truth and live from it is very powerful and will create success. It is a practice and takes discipline. There is not a lack of resources on this planet, yet there are millions who live in poverty; all the while abundance exists. The problem is with distribution, awareness, and perhaps greed.
In The Science of Getting Rich, Wallace Wattles speaks about this being the hardest work we ever can do, “To think what you want to think is to think TRUTH regardless of appearances….To think according to appearances is easy; to think truth regardless of appearances is laborious and requires the expenditure of more power than any other work man is called upon to perform.”
My mentor, Mary Morrissey, says that “we don’t deny the facts; we deny the facts to control us.” When we allow the outside circumstances to control how we feel and act we are dis-empowered.
Many people do not have a direction for their lives, living by default doing what they have always done yet not really thriving. It’s like sleep walking through life. I experienced this for almost a decade until my wake-up call.
I support people to get a crystal clear vision of the life they would love to live and support them to get their results. Success starts with a strong desire for something. We look at longings and discontent and start there as these are powerful signals that a person is out of alignment with their true nature. We look at 5 domains: Financial well-being, spirituality, relationships, career/creativity and health/well-being.
What are the most important behaviors to assure that changing one’s beliefs can impact their lives on a daily basis?
- Foremost, pay attention to what you are paying attention to. Our subconscious mind reads our attention as our intention. We will create our results from this mode.
- Be in a structure of support, it is very difficult to do this work without support. Mastermind groups, mentoring, being around people of increase awareness
- Study daily and be a life long learner-successful people are open and receptive to new ideas and are willing to challenge themselves
- Practice Gratitude-gratitude is at the heart of successful people’s lives. This is not kindergarten gratitude for things we have or when things are good. This is gratitude in all situations, which is transforming
- Have a daily practice to quiet the mind-Intuition can only be accessed when we are open and receptive.
What is the belief you changed that had the biggest impact in your life?
I was living my life by default in 2005 and felt stuck. On the one hand I had been studying spiritual and personal growth principles and had made some advancement. Yet, I did not fully grasp the concept of how powerful our habitual thinking can be. I was working as a Social Worker at a state agency, making good money with great medical benefits. I looked successful and felt horrible. I was living for Fridays and dreading Mondays. Being raised in a family where safety and security were valued over passion and creativity, I adopted this belief. My parents were products of the depression. You stay at your job even if you don’t like it because you get that weekly paycheck. My rationale mind didn’t agree, yet my subconscious mind ruled. The belief was affecting my whole life, yet I didn’t know it. All I knew was that I was unhappy and felt STUCK. I had lost my passion for social work yet I had excuses and rationalizations for staying.
Bob Proctor said, “You can’t get out of a prison unless you know you are in one.” It took a life changing phone call to snap me out of my prison. My best friend I had known since I was 17 died suddenly, she was only 52. Susan was living from her passion, however, when she died. I had a choice; I knew intuitively I had to take it or I would continue to live in my prison. My prison was my thinking. Once I changed my thinking, realizing that I could create a life I loved and did not have to “settle”, my whole world changed. Now I do work that I love, making a difference in the world by supporting others to live from their passion. Most days I wake up and can honestly say, “I really love my life.” What a gift! I am so grateful for the opportunity I was given to begin again. 
What services do you have available to assist others in this important practice?
I offer individual and group coaching programs. They include Think & Grow Rich Masterminds, The DreamBuilder™, Working with the Law™ and Into Your Genius™. Additional services include quarterly seminars and motivational speaking.
You can reach Valerie at
Phone: 509-869-0255
Email: info@inspiredlivingforyou.com
Website: www.inspiredlivingforyou.com
candesscampbell 