“Well?” Ron said finally, looking up at Harry. “How was it?”
Harry considered it for a moment. “Wet,” he said truthfully.
Ron made a noise that might have indicated jubilation or disgust, it was hard to tell.
“Because she was crying,” Harry continued heavily.
“Oh,” said Ron, his smile faded slightly. “Are you that bad at kissing?”
“Dunno,” said Harry, who hadn’t considered this, and immediately felt rather worried. “Maybe I am.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Disagree if you want, but this is NOT the way to date online!
I receive emails each week from men on Facebook. Now, that is okay with me since after four years of being single, I decided to date this year – remember, my word for 2014 is Relationships!
I’m not sure what would constitute an expert on relationships, but being a counselor for over 30 years gives me some credentials. Mostly though, I think what I am sharing is from past dating on dating sites and seeing what works and what doesn’t. This is gender focused, and I am fine with feedback. Leave your comments!
Men – the Don’ts
1. Don’t contact a woman on FB (or other social media) and leave three long paragraphs of how beautiful they look and what you would want to do with and to her, like hold her, take her dancing, etc.
2. Not the best idea to write a diatribe of what you do and who you are in the first or second email.
3. Sharing paragraphs of what you believe and what she should believe early on will turn her off!!
Men – the Do’s
1. When you contact a woman on Facebook, you may want to say “hi” and start with a comment about something she posted. This is an invitation to begin a dialogue and she sees that you have read her page (not just looked at her photo) She knows you are interested in her.
2. Share some things about yourself. Women are generally good at asking questions; so don’t overwhelm her with unsolicited sharing. Be aware of sharing too much too fast. Let the conversation unfold.
3. If you want to begin a conversation and a possible relationship, Facebook is not match.com. It can be too much for you both to disclose in the format of listing exactly what you want in a partner. You will rarely find all of it anyway, and not meeting all the criteria can stop the dialogue.
Women – Don’ts
1. This may seem odd to say, but believe me, I have seen this happen a lot! Don’t fall in love on the Internet! What people post whether it be photos or what they say may not be true. Have you ever watched the TV show Catfish!
2. Take some time to let the conversation unfold and see how the communication goes. You may not answer for a day or two (busy) and he may be fine with that or be reactive. Let his true personality come through.
3. Don’t give away too much information. Don’t give away money (I’ve seen it) or buy a plane ticket to see him or for him to see you. Be aware. Don’t be needy.
Women – Do’s
1. After a few emails, if you feel like you may want to get to know the person, ask him to Skype with you. This is better than the phone. You can hear his voice and see what he is doing. One of my clients did this and the man who she Skyped with was playing a game on his phone the whole time. NEXT. . . (A man who wrote paragraphs about my beauty last week contacted me. After checking out his FB page, I said “let’s Skype” and he disappeared!)
2. Trust your gut. Be aware and catch the first “hit” from your gut. Often in my counseling practice when a client is ending a relationship, I ask “when did you know this wasn’t right for you?” More often than not, they reply, the first day, week, etc.
3. We attract a partner who is at our same vibration. This can mean mental or emotional health. If you don’t feel like you have the self-esteem, confidence, or emotional health, work on yourself first. Whether you see a counselor, coach, healer, read a book, go to some kind of meetings, it doesn’t matter. Focus on, and heal yourself first. Then attract the man you deserve!
Well, I am hearing the word “harsh” in my head, but sometimes as a counselor, I think I have seen too much! Let’s finish with wishing you happy dating, and love ever after!
What do you think?
The last 10 days of July I had an incredible experience at the Yasodhara Ashram
in beautiful British Columbia. I was aware of this Ashram because of the Radha
Yoga Center in Spokane where I have taken yoga and dream classes for several
You may be aware of my experience with adrenal fatigue in 2008
and 2009. At the retreat one day our focus was on Relaxation and Rest. What
happened for me was I realized (again) I didn’t know how to rest. Previously, I
would get tired and use caffeine and sugar to push through. We experienced
Hidden Language Yoga and it was wonderful. After the pose, we journaled. First
we did the Bridge and Tranquility Poses to become aware of our spine. Then we
did the Cobra. We dialogued with ourselves after each pose. The question I
journaled with was “What do I surrender to?” The answer could be another blog or
newsletter. For me my back clearly disclosed that it needed further support and
in the cobra I understood my abdomen needs to support my back. This will
alleviate the back twinges I get occasionally.
Also, I contemplated the
relationship between Joy and Surrender. I clearly understood I fight with mySelf
inwardly by choosing confusion and indecision rather than surrendering and
moving into a state of wait. I fight outwardly by resisting rather than
accepting and letting life unfold. When I surrender, there is no struggle and I
Class focused on rest and we did some relaxation and
visualization exercises. It was delightful. During lunch and on our break we
were asked to be in silence. I spend a lot of time alone, but I became aware of
how much rest I get when I am in conscious silence.
I spent time on the beach of Kootenay Lake and had quite a walk back up to my room in Saraswati. As
I began the journey back I decided to bring rest into my life. I will write more
about this when I write and share my Karma Yoga experience. On the way back I
decided to stop to rest after a number of steps. I looked at the flowers, the
trees, the birds, the cherries and the apples on each rest stop. When I got to
the steps I decided to take 10 steps and rest, 10 steps and rest. It was an
incredible experience. Whenever I stopped, the colors were so much more grand!
My desire for the retreat was rest. Now I am rested, have learned
incredible tools and am more conscious of my life and my relationship with the
Bless your heart, Candess