The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
Most people who know me say that I am calm. I think my tendency is to be able to see several sides of a situation and be to accepting. I have a good sense of taking responsibility for myself and looking at my side of a situation and how I have contributed to the problem.
I have been processing the last week. I found myself having generalized anger and I have been throwing it out in different arenas. I am not sure how to describe it, but in what I might call social or public arenas.
One was with Aweber, my email service. There was a long-standing problem that cost me upwards of a thousand dollars. The other was with Comcast where my telephone, television and Internet performed poorly this week.
No need to go into the details, but I have been “running anger” in my body for a few days and it has been extremely uncomfortable. This is unusual for me. What I have been doing is noticing the anger in my body and feeling the sensations. It has been important for me to be loving and nurturing to myself because anger can create some major issues given I have adrenal fatigue. It can really wipe me out.
With anger, I need to assess the situation and either make a change or accept the situation. With Aweber, I have decided to change to a new email marketing program, even though I may lose many of my contacts. With Comcast, I decided I will call them and discuss the situation (again) and see about resolving the issues, even though it takes a lot of my time.
In the process of these few days of “angering” though, I realized that I have eaten more sugar than usual and have also enjoyed wine as a way of taking the edge off.
Neither of these is the best solution. Hindsight tells me to journal before I reach for another solution!
Anger is a secondary emotion. It covers up pain and fear. I also have had a sense of wanting to cry, but not being able to and not knowing why. More will come in another blog . . . or as my late, former husband Peter Campbell used to say . . . “More will be revealed.”
Much of what I have taught over the years has been about manifesting and creating the life you want. In order to do this, often you have to bring the past into present time to heal. What I mean by this is that when you focus on the past and live in the past, your life is controlled by what you felt and thought in the past. What happens is you continue to feel those feelings in the present. Living in the past leaves no room for what you are experiencing in the present. Living in the past, having your thoughts and feelings consumed by the past, can also control your future. Your past becomes your future.
Living in the past can create depression.
Living in the future can create anxiety.
When I talk about healing the past, what I hear most is “how do I do that?” Well, there are many modalities for healing the past. One that I teach is to become aware of the memories and the wounds. Feel them and change your beliefs around them. Your feelings are a result of your beliefs. Often your beliefs flitter so quickly in your mind, you have difficulty noticing them, grabbing them and examining them.
The ones you can identify is where to start. In your journal, write out a list of people and situations where you have been hurt or angry. Allow yourself to feel your feelings as you remember. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
Look at where you may have contributed to the situation. Take inventory of your own actions. You can use the successful process from the Big Book of AA. When taking inventory, write out where you were selfish, self-centered, frightened, or to blame.
Now, you may not have had any responsibility in the situation, especially if you were a child. In that case, look at what was going on in the other person’s life at the time.
People do the best they can at the time. Sometimes their best is destructive and hurtful to others, but it still is the best they can do with the awareness, teachings and the consciousness they have at the time. Are there some things you would like to do that you don’t do? Are there things you do that you wish you didn’t? Have you behaved in the past in ways you would not behave today because you know better? No one is perfect.
Anger is a secondary emotion that covers up pain or fear.
You may have had desires, demands or expectations of someone. Then you find they didn’t either give you what you wanted or they behaved in ways that hurt you.
If this is so and is in the past, in order to heal yourself and move on, you can forgive them. If it is a present situation, then you can make choices on how you choose to handle the situation. If choose to continue to stay in a destructive situation, it is your choice. The responsibility then becomes yours. You cannot blame the other person when you choose to stay. What happens when you blame someone else is, they then have the power to change the situation and you become a victim. When you take responsibility for your choices, you remain empowered and in control of your life.
If you still have a lot of pain or anger about the situation, write out what happened to you. You can write it over and over until the “sting” or “charge” is gone. You may want to read it over and over to a safe, loved one until it is no longer controlling you. You can forgive and move on. This does not mean you agree with what happened, it just means it no longer controls you.
Only you have the ability to clear your past and live fully in present time, thus giving you the power to create the life you want to live.
Clearing frees you to live in present time.