Steps to Resolving Conflict

“Sure it hurts, but if you love someone, you forgive them.” Blanche
“Somethings you forgive, somethings you never forgive.” Kate” 

Neil SimonBrighton Beach Memoirs

Recently at Interplayers Theatre, I saw the play Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon. It was an incredible performance that exemplified the topic at hand – conflict.

The story is about Eugene, an adolescent, Jewish boy in 1937. He recalls his memories of living with his parents, aunt, two female cousins, and his brother at a time when he was going through puberty, sexual fantasy, poverty, and living in a crowed home. In this play, Eugene Jerome, played by Nich Witham, gave an over-exaggerated sense (in a fantastic performance) of not being heard and doing what he could to find his place and get his needs met in this family.

Brighton Beach Memoirs

This play was a great backdrop for me to expound on how to resolve conflict and the pitfalls of communication. Here are some helpful steps.

Clear with this person on an energetic level.

1. Ground your energy. Here is a video that will teach you to do this. http://bit.ly/wBHJbh

2. You have an aura around you which is part of your energetic self.  Imagine pulling your aura in around your body. Pull it in about 6 – 8 inches around you.

3. Focus in your heart and bring your attention out of the top of your head into the heavens.

4. Image the person there with you. At this level, send them love from your heart. You may also imagine sending them golden white Light from your heart.

5. If you can do this without anger or negative feelings, talk with them at this level

6. Come back down, image yourself filling up with golden white Light and release any leftover energy down your grounding cord.

Steps to resolve conflict in person.

1. Write out the situation in your journal and then re-read it the next day. Sometimes it helps to do this a few times, so that you can become clear on what happened and what you want to communicate.

2. Become aware of your own part of the situation, even if you perceive it to be minor in comparison to the other person.

3. If you are angry, look at where you may be feeling hurt or fearful. These emotions are often right under the surface of anger. Feel your feelings and let them go. Journal them over and over if need be.

4. Contact the person you are having conflict with and use clear, direct, honest communication. I suggest you meet in person (not via text or email) because this allows you not only to read the body language, but also to open your heart.

5. Give the other person the chance to communicate their side completely. It is helpful to use the words, “I heard you say,” and repeat back to them what you heard and let them clarify. This helps them to feel heard. You can hear what someone is saying without agreeing with them. It is important that you hear.

6. Once the other person feels heard, share your side. They may not listen well and you may not feel heard. If that is the case use the broken record method. Continue to say the core message again and again, “I hear what you say, and ______.” Yes, that is true, and _______.” Do this until they are able to understand they are not hearing you.

7. Make a request of the person such as “My request is we put this behind us and go on from here,” or “My request is that we continue to meet and talk weekly until we can resolve this.” You can use whatever it is that you desire.

8. Trust your intuition, and use as many of these steps as you would like. If the person is not willing to meet with you or clear the situation with you, then move on and let it go. No longer allow them into your energy field and set healthy boundaries.  (I will share more about this in a future video and blog.)

Sometimes people have a hard time clearing conflict because of negative communication patterns.  Often these reactions were learned in early childhood as a survival response to a dysfunctional family. In this case they may triangle in other people to take sides, or become passive aggressive and rather than talking with you directly, they will be passive in their aggression in a subversive manner.

One of the books I recommend for healthy communication is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg

You can find other valuable information at http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-toolbox


3 Characteristics of Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

MLK

  Nobel Peace Prize Winner

Today is a great opportunity, not only to remember Martin Luther King, Jr., but to activate in your life today, and forward, the very characteristics that made him a great leader.

In your own life and business, how can the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. be a guide for you?

Dream

One characteristic comes from his famous speech “I Have a Dream.”

What is your dream for the world? With all the resources and cooperation you need, what changes would you make?

Envision the world you want to live in and the world you want to share with those you love.

What is your dream for your own life?

Leadership

Martin Luther King, Jr. fought for equality when others would not. His life was one of education, service and leadership. He was involved in several groups and committees and learned to support and be supported in his endeavors in the civil rights movement.

How have you prepared yourself educationally to attain the goals you desire?

What services have you provided to help your community, a group or an individual? What services have you given to support your business?

How have you served in a leadership position and where have you found support for your causes?

Persistence

Seemingly, taking a stand for Civil Rights alone, Martin Luther King, Jr. did not quit. Even while incarcerated he continued to work on his dream. He didn’t give up under the most difficult circumstances.

What are the hurdles you have to overcome to create your dream?

Today, what do you need to overcome to finish your project, take the next step or regain your focus?

What is the end result for your persistence? What is the planned goal and what will be your reward?


Love

 

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Laozi

 

When talking about relationships, love is in the forefront. Close your eyes and focus in your heart and feel who it is that fills your heart. Allow memories and images to come up that fill you with love.

This is a practice that can increase your happiness, lighten your mood and shift your attitude. Isn’t it amazing how much we can shift what we are feeling through a simple image of those we love?

Today would be a good day to reach out to a loved one. You can make a call, text or email them, visit them or send them a gift. Our relationships are sacred and creating a memory with them can last forever.

When you cannot be with a loved one for some reason, you can also focus in your heart, bring your consciousness up out of the top of your head, up into the heavens. Imagine the person standing there with you and send love to the person through your heart. This can heal a wounded relationship and bring peace to one who is missing you. You may be surprised when they call you suddenly!


Meditation

The greatest gift I have found to develop a greater intuitive experience is meditation.  It was in my meditative experience one morning I was given a specific meditation I now use.

Many of you already meditate and if you do, that is wonderful! You know the value of creating this time for yourself and the incredible connection you find with your Higher Self and the Divine. For many there is also the experience of connecting and communicating with Angels or Guides.

Many people who have tried meditation and don’t continue often think they are doing it wrong. Let me clarify some of the misconceptions. In meditation, you will ….

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The Saboteur’s Moon (Understanding Karma)

I am delighted to share with you this great information about the Saboteur’s Moon by Jon Waldrup, an Incarnational Astrologer. This is especially significant to me because I work with Karma and Clearing Karma. He explains it so well! 

The first Full Moon of 2012 is tonight, January 8th at 11:30 PM Pacific Time.  This is the Saboteur’s Moon.  It wants to help us see how we compromise our heart-knowing in order to be comfortable, functional, accepted, etc.  It wants to show us how allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable and exposed by our truth helps to set us free.  For whenever we do ignore our heart’s truth in favor of fitting in, we close the karmic loop and make sure we go for another lap.

And with the Sun in Capricorn, what we would prefer to say is that our heart’s truth is always loving and light, so why would we ever disguise it?  And how could there be shadow in our hearts?

There are so many angles to come from on that.  If Romeo and Juliet is the world’s greatest love story then fatal co-dependence is love?  I would say probably not, but it is a story of two people who lived from their hearts.  They were certainly not afraid of being vulnerable, were they?

One of the shadow aspects of 20th century spirituality had to do with how many ways we were taught to suppress our karma, rather than live in it.  Karma itself was given a bad name – who wants to deal with karma?  The truth is that karma is actually the bridge between fate and destiny. It wants to help us to live Alive in Heaven on Earth.

If you are driving your car through an intersection and someone runs a red light and creams you, this is an example of Fate.  The karmic piece of it has to do with how you deal with the emotions involved in the aftermath.  Fate gives you the opportunity to work with your karma in order for you to grow towards your destiny.

Your karma is the particular tone of the shadow you are working with in this lifetime – rage, depression, dependence, etc.  The karmic piece is the emotional piece.  Our destiny is to understand the oneness, the perfection, of all of life – including fate and karma.  Then we are on the spiral instead of the wheel.

So, it was fate that brought Romeo and Juliet together, so that they could explore the shadows of co-dependent love.  And they did!  And that is what makes their story so compelling.  There is so much about their story that we could call unhealthy – we can look down on such organic, emotional, exposed ways of being.

But is that life?  Why did your soul choose to come in to this plane, to have a heart that can be broken, that can lead you astray, that can expose you to shame and torment?  Fate gives you the chance to live in your heart.  Karma seeks to teach you that Life itself is Heavenly.

What I think is that because he went “all the way” with what his heart was asking him to do in response to the fateful relationship with Juliet, in his next life, perhaps Romeo was able to live quivering inside with gratitude for having had the chance to love so deeply – he was able to taste the anguish of loss and find it delicious.  He was able to move beyond regret.

Will you accept The Invitation?  Or will you live on the wheel of emotional avoidance?

Here is a smaller example.  What if you know one thing and say another?  Maybe something that you’ve expressed as truth for a long time turns out to be false.  Maybe you’ve put a lot of heart into a certain moralistic stance and new experience points out the failings of your dogmatism. There is real vulnerability in admitting that you were wrong.  And yet if you can, if you do, life springs forth from that and you find yourself further up the spiral.

The wisest person I have ever spoken with said to me, “I am most grateful for those times in my life when I was most out of control.”  In other words, when the shadows in his heart came out, when he was most vulnerable to that sanitized, patriarchal way of looking at things that wants us to remain “in control” (i.e. Sun in Capricorn).  Sometimes we have to say we’re sorry.  So that we may grow.

The Saboteur is in us to point out ways in which we hide our truth.  The patriarchal response to that is to suppress those aspects of ourselves which are outside the comfort zone.  In that way of looking at things, those who live “with their heart on their sleeve” are to be looked down upon.

The truth is in your heart, and keeping it hidden keeps you on the wheel.  When you express your truth, you go up the spiral.

This Full Moon, the first of 2012, is helping us to see how we have kept our truth hidden so that we may live within a dying civilization.  How many laps on the wheel does it take to show us that the comfortable ways are getting us nowhere?

Tonight at 11:30 PM Pacific Time, the Moon, who teaches us our karma, is in the 19th Degree of Cancer.  The Chandra symbol for this degree is, “An opossum comes out into the moonlight.”  Let your vulnerable heart be seen.  Allow yourself to experience your emotions, and to find life itself through them.  Oh, it can hurt!  Are you afraid?

Believe in Heaven, and that is what you will see.

Jon Waldrup
Incarnational Astrologer
(208) 290-8578
jon@senseofvisionastrology.com
www.senseofvisionastrology.com
Enjoy the moon tonight!

Bless your heart,

Candess


Seasonal Affective Disorder and Moving into the Light!

When I awoke yesterday morning I noticed my dog Domingo lying in the small triangle of sunshine in the room. This spurred me to think about how important it is for us to move into the Light.

When I was a young person I often found myself in difficult situations, resisting and arguing and ending up in some pretty dark places, especially within myself. Depression was a common theme and it seems I was often angry and reactive.

Thankfully I have grown through and out of that, but I realize even today, I am extremely affected by my surroundings. The good news is I have choice where I go, who I see, and what I spend my time focusing upon.

You may relate to this as well. Many people suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder and their mood changes dramatically over the fall and winter months. Even if you don’t tend to be depressed, negative or reactive, you may respond this way internally if not externally.

Some of the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder are increased appetite and weight gain, increased sleep and drowsiness, social withdrawal, being lethargic, unhappiness and irritability, and loss of interest in work and other activities.

So, what does it mean to move into the Light?I have some ideas.

  • Take time to get outdoors during the day, even for 10 – 15 minutes. Take breaks and get sunshine and fresh air to change your mood. Even standing in the rain with an umbrella can be stimulating and clear your head.
  • Engage in conversations that are fun and playful, but not at another’s expense.
  • Spend more time watching inspirational TV shows and less violence and murder.
  • Pull away from the busy-ness of the world and sit quietly and just breathe.
  • Read positive, inspirational books.
  • Spend time with those you love and focus on them. Play together, laugh together, but leave talk about the work stress for another time.
  • Write out a gratitude list. Studies show this is more effective to do weekly than daily.

For Seasonal Affective Disorder, you could also take a weekend trip to somewhere warm like Las Vegas or Reno. Trips are inexpensive and make a big difference. After checking with your doctor you could take Vitamin D. Also, you can use Light Therapy. Light panels are available online at Amazon under $100. I have used them in the past and they work great! Enjoy pulling in and also getting out!

You can purchase one of these Light Therapy Lamps by following this link to Amazon:

http://amzn.to/p5jmQN


3-Running Cosmic Energy

In this video you will learn to Run Cosmic Energy and clear others energy out of your energy field. Cosmic Energy is also called the Christ Light!


Remembering September 11th!

The media alerts us to remember 9/11 on this 10th anniversary. My heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones. I remember the day well. Awakened by my alarm, I turned the TV on to bring me gently into the world after a good night sleep. News flashed immediately with the intensity of alert. I saw the twin towers and the smoke. I allowed myself less than a minute of this before I switched it off.

My immediate reaction, instinct I suppose, was to protect myself. I understand that others may have felt safe watching the news and trying to understand. For me, my first thought was this is big, and I knew people would be watching TV and absorbing the fear as if it were poisonous gas. I knew wherever I went and with whomever I spoke, others would be full of anger, fear and pain. I wanted none of it.

Being an energy healer, immediately, I made a decision to have a different experience than the one the media fed. Motivated to holding the space of love and light, I took a couple deep breaths and focused up out of the top of my head into the heavens. I envisioned a golden white Light, what I call the Christ Light. I felt the energy come down through the top of my head into my body and felt the incredible vibration of love illuminating every cell of my body.  It felt incredible! I understood that I had control over how I felt during this time of crisis. I also knew that suffering due to this tragedy was not helpful to anyone. There was nothing of value in my being fearful or in pain.

At the time of perceived and real crisis, I chose to be detached from the sensationalism of the media. My awareness was heightened realizing how I could control how I felt and what I experienced. This was a practice of learning to control my feelings rather than having my feelings control me. The mind can be used to control physical pain as well.

When we lose people in a crisis such as this, grief is a natural, healing response. It is important to have clear boundaries though, and to feel your own pain and not take on the pain of others. Holding the space for others healing by being present to them allows them their pain. It it is definitely important to feel your feelings.  It is also important to understand that what you choose to focus on is your choice and you can increase your feelings of happiness, gratitude, fear or anger.

On this anniversary of September 11th, choose to feel gratitude for your country.  Remember your loved ones, all your loved ones who have passed and hold the space for those who are currently grieving. Take time to focus on the positive and lift someone’s spirit! Be present to others, love, and be happy.

 

Remember we are one people, more similar than different, all over the world!

 

Bless your hearts!


Interview with Swami Samayananda Part 3

This inteview was conducted at the Yashodhara Ashram in British Columbia, Canada on the beautiful Kootenay Lake.This is part 3 of 3 parts.

(Some sections have been edited for grammar.)

Candess:  When you are talking about that, some of the yogas like the Divine Light Invocation is one of the tools I have been using here and there are so many tools. It has been incredible. What is one of your favorite tools?

Swami Samayananda: For me, one of my favorites is Mantra. I have had a mantra practice since early 1980s. I also do my practice with a harmonium, which I like. There is that whole practice of having an instrument. I tend to be restless by nature so it gives my hands something to do. Also, singing has been a big part of my life. To be able to channel all of that into the mantra and to have a practice like that that doesn’t get old, it just keeps getting deeper and deeper and it feels to me like a dear friend. It is where I go each day and it offers me tremendous support.

Candess:  I love the Satsang. The chanting and the mantra is so beautiful. I have a book coming out in January that is called 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: The Gift of Pain. What way would you say that one of the Yoga practices would be helpful in self-healing?



Swami Samayananda:  Swami Radha wrote a book called The Yoga of Healing.  In it, there are several chapters. Some I remember are working with the Light. It is a small book and at the end of each chapter it has four practices you can do. The first one is on the Light and the Divine Light Invocation is one practice. There is also a section on breath. We know that connection with breath and our own healing and when we get anxious, the breath shortens, shortens, and shortens. That is not healthy for the body. Working with breath is healthy and calming for the body. Also, Hatha Yoga, especially when it I approached from more than the physical. What is my body saying to me as I am going into the pose and doing the pose. Mantra, absolutely for sure. Especially the Hari Om mantra is a healing mantra. Using mantra is healing as well. Relaxation is very healing. Those are a few.

Candess: That is great! One of the reasons I came her is to rest. I had been pushing myself too hard. We had a whole day on learning to rest. I learned so many tools that I would not have known before. It’s been very helpful.

If someone wanted to go on retreat here, what would be the best way for them to find out about the programs?

Swami Samayananda:  The best way would be to go to our website and just take a look at what we offer. There is a whole range from weekend workshops to 3 day retreats, 4 day retreats, 10 day retreats like you are on now, to our 3 month Yoga Development Course. There is just about something for everybody. Our basic retreats really introduce people to the practices we offer here, Swami Radha’s teachings. There are some specific ones, like we have one coming up called the Inner Life of Asanas which is a way of going deeper with the Hatha Yoga practice. We had one this summer not too long ago called Facing Change, Exploring Options, so there are lots of different ways for people to come and be here. People can also come on private retreat and join with us for a couple hours in Karma Yoga so they feel connected in the community. The rest of the times, they can enjoy the prayer rooms. It is beautiful as you said. The trails, the lake, the Temple, the library are all available for people when they are here.

Candess: I went to the Temple the other night and I could just feel Swami Radha there. I thought, this must be her favorite place.

Swami Samayananda: – It is.

Candess:  It was so clear to me. It was so beautiful there.

Swami Samayananda: – She said when she died, that is where she would go.

Candess:  I have another guide that I work with and I was connecting with this guide, but Swami Radha was right there, so I thought OKAY!

Is there anything else that would be helpful for people to know about being a Swami or your life path or being here at the Ashram.

Swami Samayananda: I think one thing that is important for people to know about coming here is it is a time of renewing, learning some practices, some tools as you said to take away. There is no dogma in yoga. There is not doctrine. It is not a religion. I think it is really important. We are an Ashram; it is a spiritual community, so we have people who come who are Buddhist, who are Christian, who practice in the Jewish faith, Muslims, and people who have no particular tradition that they follow but are open to that spiritual dimension and they just want to take a step further. I think that is often a relief.

When people come, we do have imagery around. Imagery and symbolism whether we know it or not is very important to us. We live it anyway and symbols are there simply as a symbol that is reflecting some in ourselves so sometimes for some people, and part because of our Christian Judaic background in the West, images can be a little off-putting; but they are so beautiful and the have so much to say to us if we open them up and take them apart.  I think the biggest thing is it is a beautiful place to be, to heal, to renew, to gain perspective and then take what is meaningful back out; bridge it back out to your life, back home, family, friends, work, whatever. Often people will come back and get a little bit more and take it back, back and forth. That is what I did for years.

Candess:  That is wonderful! It took me probably to day eight until I started feeling myself again, so it was such a wonderful place to renew and relax. Thank you so much.

Swami Samayananda: Namaste

The end. . .


Interview with Swami Samayananda Part 2

This interview was taken at Yashodhara Ashram in British Columbia, Canada on the beautiful Kootenay Lake.

(Some sections have been edited for grammar.)

Candess: When I hear you talk, it sounds like what’s happening is that you are keeping the truth of what Swami Radha had in terms of living out what she taught, to truly keep living it and not have a separation.

Swami Samayanda: Yes, and no matter what the changes are that happen, there is that very solid core that cannot change, because that is what an Ashram is. It is the center of one teacher’s teachings and we are all committed to that. To what she gave us and in our gratitude, that is what we give back. These have to be applied to what is happening in the world. Our focus now is to be carbon neutral by 2013. We are not cut off from the world. Our sustainability, how do we care for our forests? Our development, Yashodhara Heights, three cabins that we built are all extremely green. We are very much in tune with what is happening with the world and what the concerns are in the world, and bringing them right in to our community, right here. We are always asking. We can go back to her teachings and it is all there. Carbon neutral, it is all there. Sustainability, it is all there. We say, “I am sustained by Divine Light, I am sustained by the teachings.” So how do we bring that out then, into the actual physical place we work and to the people who come.

Candess:  That is exciting. The more I hear about this, I am so grateful I am here. My connection with the Spokane Radha House has been mostly through Yoga for Health and Healing and the Dream Yoga. There are a lot of forms of yoga other than the physical. Can you tell me more about yoga?

Swami Samayanda: It is interesting in the West, we have taken one yoga practice out of the entire yogic system and we call it yoga. It’s basically Hatha Yoga. It’s working with the body. It is mainstream. When you say the word yoga, everybody thinks of a studio and doing postures and that kind of thing. Yoga, actually if you look at the original sutras, the yoga sutras by Patanjali; asanas are a very tiny, tiny, part of the yogic system. Their original intent is to prepare the body to be still for meditation and other yogic practices.  I see that changing in the West, where a lot of people were just interested in the physical part of it. More and more I hear people say, I know there is more. What more is there? There has got to be more to this. There are probably about 39 kinds of yoga, of which Hatha is just one. What Swami Radha brought back were several that we work with here.

We work with Dream Yoga, which is the interpretation, learning to interpret our own dream messages. We work with Kundalini Yoga which is the study of, really of how we use energy, how we express ourselves, the choices we make and how that comes out in our speech, in our behavior, in our thoughts. We also work with the Yoga of Light and our primary way of doing that is through the standing practice of doing the Divine Light Invocation. We focus on Mantra Yoga, which is the yoga of chanting, sound, vibration. We work with Karma Yoga. Karma Yoga is the basis actually of our Ashram which is the yoga of action. Work is service. It is different than just volunteering. We actually do the yoga and ask ourselves what we are learning from it. What is the work teaching us? It is not just doing the work, getting the work done itself, its what we are learning in that process.

(next . . . Part 3)