Listen to What you Say!

“The word ‘listen’ contains the same letters as the word ‘silent’.” 
― Alfred Brendel

Although I love social media, when using it, we often make connections that are more about quantity than quality. Hopefully, the relationships you create can meet your emotional needs as well as your other needs.

When you are actually in the presence of someone you can deepen the communication. Deepening relationships is important to emotional health. What happens is, when you get to let people get to know you, you begin to know yourself. When you hear yourself share, you hear yourself share!

IMG_0862 When I taught my Intuitive Mastery Class yesterday, I heard myself say, “I don’t let many people work in my energy field. Not all healers are the same.” We were talking about Reiki and other forms of energy healing. As I thought about it later, I realized that I sounded judgmental and I decided to look at whether I was being judgmental, protective of my students, or both. What I could have said was, “when you study to become an energy healer or a Reiki practitioner, it is important you do the emotional work and learn to keep your energy field clean. Also, when receiving energy work, discern whether or not the energy healer is the best fit for you.” These statements would have been more positive.  Listening to myself when teaching assisted me in taking inventory of my attitude and speaking in a clear, loving manner.

Another incidence was in conversation with a dear friend of mine. She asked me if I realized I said, “do you know what I mean?” over and over. I began listening for this and had a difficult time hearing it. When we Skyped for an hour one day, she pointed it out to me. I said it so many times it was nauseating! I began to listen to myself and hopefully have learned not to keep asking, “Do you know what I mean!”

Listen to yourself and share with me what you hear on Facebook under this blog post, Day 11 in the Relationship Series!


Listen before it’s too Late!

 

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. CoveyThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

 

It is an enlightening view, sitting in my chair in my office as a mental health counselor. I am honored to sit with clients as they share about their lives and their relationships and I see themes unfold.

We have ended the year and are into the New Year.  As I look ahead at new beginnings, it reminds me of one of the most common themes. When working with couples, I notice that, for most, by the time they enter my office, it’s too late.

couples

Too often one of them attempted continually to communicate with the other, without being heard. Sadly, I watch their last attempt to keep the marriage together. The partner, let’s say the man, who has not really heard, but has listened as if she was nagging or on a rampage over something, finally understands. It is too late now for him to realize that what she was saying was important. So important, that the marriage is now over. I see him groveling and trying to make sense of it all. In the safety of another person (me) she says, “I’m sorry, but it is just too late.”

Many of us have ended relationships before the New Year. I remember myself, many years ago, sitting outside Nordstroms, having coffee with my lover on December 29th. I said, “I am sorry, but it’s over.” This was difficult to say and it was painful. I had felt though, that what I said over and over, didn’t matter and I was “pushing the river,” in order to create a change for us. It didn’t work. Once I was honest and ended the relationship; although painful, it was also exhilarating.

When I am with clients and they are suffering over a relationship, I often ask, “when did you first know this was not the right situation for you?” More than I would like to hear, they say, “in the beginning.” If not, they knew years before they decided to make a change.

Whether it be a love relationship, a work relationship or a family situation, “when you begin to lose your voice, your self-esteem, your sense of personal power; it is time to make some kind of a shift.”


Slowing Down and Being Present

“Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing.”
― Ken KeseyOne Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

  

Focusing on relationships this year makes me aware of how many relationships we have in a given day. After a great massage (relationship) and feeling tired and hungry, I met with the seamstress (relationship) who is making the pants to go under my Shalwar Kameez. This is the dress I will wear to the wedding in India on February 3rd

India 2010 094

We talked fabric, which we both love, and although I felt like I was in a big hurry, because I was focusing on relationships this year, I chose to be more present. I slowed down, conversed and listened to all she had to say. In the past, I would have been short, quick, and focused on getting the task done and getting out the door. I really enjoyed being attentive and learning about her business and also realized how pleasant it was to hear her talk with the fabric store employees, who knew her well. I could see she had developed some connective relationships with them as they laughed and shared with each other.

This shift in perception, to slow down, listen, and be present can be life changing. If you to are too busy to connect and be present to yourself and others, join with me in this new adventure!


Listening to my body at the Ashram!

The last 10 days of July I had an incredible experience at the Yasodhara Ashram
in beautiful British Columbia. I was aware of this Ashram because of the Radha
Yoga Center in Spokane where I have taken yoga and dream classes for several
years.

You may be aware of my experience with adrenal fatigue in 2008
and 2009. At the retreat one day our focus was on Relaxation and Rest. What
happened for me was I realized (again) I didn’t know how to rest. Previously, I
would get tired and use caffeine and sugar to push through. We experienced
Hidden Language Yoga and it was wonderful. After the pose, we journaled. First
we did the Bridge and Tranquility Poses to become aware of our spine. Then we
did the Cobra. We dialogued with ourselves after each pose. The question I
journaled with was “What do I surrender to?” The answer could be another blog or
newsletter. For me my back clearly disclosed that it needed further support and
in the cobra I understood my abdomen needs to support my back. This will
alleviate the back twinges I get occasionally.

Also, I contemplated the
relationship between Joy and Surrender. I clearly understood I fight with mySelf
inwardly by choosing confusion and indecision rather than surrendering and
moving into a state of wait. I fight outwardly by resisting rather than
accepting and letting life unfold. When I surrender, there is no struggle and I
feel JOY!

Class focused on rest and we did some relaxation and
visualization exercises. It was delightful. During lunch and on our break we
were asked to be in silence. I spend a lot of time alone, but I became aware of
how much rest I get when I am in conscious silence.

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I spent time on the beach of Kootenay Lake and had quite a walk back up to my room in Saraswati. As
I began the journey back I decided to bring rest into my life. I will write more
about this when I write and share my Karma Yoga experience. On the way back I
decided to stop to rest after a number of steps. I looked at the flowers, the
trees, the birds, the cherries and the apples on each rest stop. When I got to
the steps I decided to take 10 steps and rest, 10 steps and rest. It was an
incredible experience. Whenever I stopped, the colors were so much more grand!

My desire for the retreat was rest. Now I am rested, have learned
incredible tools and am more conscious of my life and my relationship with the
Divine!

Bless your heart, Candess