Daughters of the Bottle

“Why not ask a Loving Parent to help us reclaim our childhood innocence and to live more gently today?” 

 ACA WSO INC. –  Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families

This week there has been a theme of addiction with my clients. Alcoholism and drug addiction affect the whole family. I remember when I first became a chemical dependency counselor back in the early 1980s. One of the poems I loved was this one. Maybe you can relate.

Daughters of the Bottle 

until I was twenty-two

I didn’t think anyone else

had a drunk for a mother

then I met lori, joannie and susan

I recognized them immediately

by their stay away smiles

they were leaders in their work

competent imposters

like me

who would say they were sorry

if somebody bumped into them

on a crowded street

I call on them

once in awhile

they always come

children of alcoholics

always do

Jane Middleton-Moz

Juggler in A Mirror


Valentine’s Day and Quantum Physics!

“What we often fail to realize is that the quantum field responds to what we are, not necessarily what we want.” 
― Greg KuhnHow Quantum Physicists Build New Beliefs

You might wonder what Quantum Physics has to do with Valentine’s Day, but as I learn more about Quantum Physics, I understand science is proving what many of us metaphysicians have been teaching for a long time.

As Greg Kuhn explains in his book Why Quantum Physicists Don’t Fail, “The science of the second scientific revolution shows us that the outside world is created by one’s inside world, not the other way around.”  What this means is what you experience, what you see or how you see things, comes from your inner world, your perception. Nothing you see is real, or right, or wrong for that matter. What you believe, what you understand, what you experience is based on your collective inner experience. As a therapist I have been working with clients for close to 20 years teaching this concept.

roses So, how does this relate to Valentine’s Day? The expectation around this holiday is enormous and because, whether you want to admit it or not, the gift you receive or give is directly related to how much you love or are loved. Whether you are contemplating what you want to give your loved one, or responding to what you receive; your perception is all that matters.

Have you ever bought a gift for someone and they misunderstood either the meaning of the gift or how important it was to you when you chose it? Have you ever had someone either give you an insignificant or wrong gift? Did anyone ever cancel a Valentine’s date with you at the last minute due to a crisis? What did you make it mean?

What is important is not the gift itself, but the meaning you give to it.

So, this Valentine’s Day, I’d like to invite you to do something different. Whatever happens or doesn’t happen; whatever you are given or not given; whatever you give or don’t give; let it be perfect. Detach from any self-talk and just be with the experience. Or if you prefer, be grateful for whatever happens, even if previously you would have been angry, disappointed or hurt. Just be grateful for any experience.

Practicing this will definitely shift your mood during this holiday and truly shift your whole life experience for the better. It takes practice, but please receive this as my Valentine’s gift to you!

Share your experiences with us in the comment section.


3 Characteristics of Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches

MLK

  Nobel Peace Prize Winner

Today is a great opportunity, not only to remember Martin Luther King, Jr., but to activate in your life today, and forward, the very characteristics that made him a great leader.

In your own life and business, how can the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. be a guide for you?

Dream

One characteristic comes from his famous speech “I Have a Dream.”

What is your dream for the world? With all the resources and cooperation you need, what changes would you make?

Envision the world you want to live in and the world you want to share with those you love.

What is your dream for your own life?

Leadership

Martin Luther King, Jr. fought for equality when others would not. His life was one of education, service and leadership. He was involved in several groups and committees and learned to support and be supported in his endeavors in the civil rights movement.

How have you prepared yourself educationally to attain the goals you desire?

What services have you provided to help your community, a group or an individual? What services have you given to support your business?

How have you served in a leadership position and where have you found support for your causes?

Persistence

Seemingly, taking a stand for Civil Rights alone, Martin Luther King, Jr. did not quit. Even while incarcerated he continued to work on his dream. He didn’t give up under the most difficult circumstances.

What are the hurdles you have to overcome to create your dream?

Today, what do you need to overcome to finish your project, take the next step or regain your focus?

What is the end result for your persistence? What is the planned goal and what will be your reward?


5 Love Languages to Better Communication

“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.” 
― Gary ChapmanThe Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages teaches us to understand what makes us feel loved and what makes our loved ones feel loved. The five languages are 1) Words of Affirmation 2) Quality Time 3) Gifts 4) Acts of Service and 5) Physical Touch.

Have you ever had a friend who continually is asking for validation? A current or past love who is always touching you as you walk by, rubbing your shoulders, cuddling when you watch a movie? Someone who shops and is buying themselves gifts all the time? These may be clues to their love language.

If your mother’s love language is quality time, getting her a gift certificate for massage would not excite her the way taking her to an off-Broadway play would.

If you have a friend whose love language is Acts of Service, making her a book of coupons for services such as babysitting or yard work may be more important to her than getting her a new scarf.

If your loved one’s first love language is physical touch, you may want to plan a quiet evening alone and give each other foot rubs with a sensual essential oil.

You can take an online test at http://fivelovelanguages.com/ to find out your own love language. Let your family and friends know what your love language is and in doing this you may be able to explore theirs as well. You may find you score high on a few love languages. Let your loved ones know this and how they would express this to you.

2

My highest score is Acts of Service, although Quality Time and Physical Touch are close behind.  When I think of this I remember a boyfriend who built a fence around my yard and how loved I felt. More recently friends wrote reviews for my book and it was the greatest expression of love they could have given me. I especially appreciate my friend David Sandoval, MD, an immunologist who wrote the review on the back of my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.


Listen before it’s too Late!

 

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. CoveyThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

 

It is an enlightening view, sitting in my chair in my office as a mental health counselor. I am honored to sit with clients as they share about their lives and their relationships and I see themes unfold.

We have ended the year and are into the New Year.  As I look ahead at new beginnings, it reminds me of one of the most common themes. When working with couples, I notice that, for most, by the time they enter my office, it’s too late.

couples

Too often one of them attempted continually to communicate with the other, without being heard. Sadly, I watch their last attempt to keep the marriage together. The partner, let’s say the man, who has not really heard, but has listened as if she was nagging or on a rampage over something, finally understands. It is too late now for him to realize that what she was saying was important. So important, that the marriage is now over. I see him groveling and trying to make sense of it all. In the safety of another person (me) she says, “I’m sorry, but it is just too late.”

Many of us have ended relationships before the New Year. I remember myself, many years ago, sitting outside Nordstroms, having coffee with my lover on December 29th. I said, “I am sorry, but it’s over.” This was difficult to say and it was painful. I had felt though, that what I said over and over, didn’t matter and I was “pushing the river,” in order to create a change for us. It didn’t work. Once I was honest and ended the relationship; although painful, it was also exhilarating.

When I am with clients and they are suffering over a relationship, I often ask, “when did you first know this was not the right situation for you?” More than I would like to hear, they say, “in the beginning.” If not, they knew years before they decided to make a change.

Whether it be a love relationship, a work relationship or a family situation, “when you begin to lose your voice, your self-esteem, your sense of personal power; it is time to make some kind of a shift.”


The Heart Chakra

The Heart Chakra

“One love, one heart, one destiny.”
― Bob Marley 

 

Writing about Love yesterday made me think about the heart chakra. When I was in my own heart, imaging those I love, I realized it was not my heart at all, but really the heart chakra that I focused on.

Many people are not aware of all the incredible information that is stored in the chakras. If you have ever had an intuitive reading from me, you know the power of this experience.

Photoshop Backup 7 580

The heart chakra is the one people are aware of the most. It is the Power of Love. It relates to love, self-love, love of others, love of God (or your own word for the Divine,) affinity, loneliness, commitment, forgiveness, hope and trust.

On my website I have listed detailed information about each of the chakras. Take some time to journal about the fourth chakra and see how you can bring balance into your relationships and into your life.

http://energymedicinedna.com/chakra-four

Most of all though, practice focusing on your loved ones in your heart and experiencing the incredible feeling of love! When you do this you heal your heart and theirs!


Commitment

“I mean, if the relationship can’t survive the long term, why on earth would it be worth my time and energy for the short term?” 
― Nicholas SparksThe Last Song

As stated in the last blog, my word for 2014 is Relationships. This year, my commitment is to bring myself closer into relationship with those I love and care for. It also means becoming aware of the relationships that have been dysfunctional and stressful and if possible to ease out of these relationships, making more time to deepen my relationship with myself and with others.

Truly, I understand with relationships there are so many components. There is setting boundariescompromisecompassionclear communicationperspective and the list is nearly endless. In this 30 day Blog Challenge, I will share with you about my process (probably similar to yours,) in the area of relationships.

 Hope you have chosen a word for this year as well. It can be one to focus upon to joyfully bring into your life or to focus upon and create a growth spurt. Music was an expansive word for me in 2013. I welcome Relationships in 2014, to challenge me to grow.