Passionate Loving Relationship Opportunity

January 14, 2014

 “Happiness [is] Only Real When Shared”           

                                  ― Jon KrakauerInto the Wild

Are you a couple that would like to increase the success of your relationship?

With my word for the year being Relationships, it is apropos for me to share this incredible program by my friend and colleague, Valerie Lipstein.

Having counseled couples for many years, I see this is exactly what I was looking for to support my clients.

You will intuitively know if this is right for you!

The statistics on first marriages ending in the US is very telling…..50% end in divorce. Yet it’s worse for second and third marriages (67% and 72% respectively!)

It’s obvious that people are challenged in relationships and often feel alone and unsupported (This applies to those who are unmarried as well).

What about the other 50% of the couples who stay in first time marriages? Some people who stay in unhappy, unfulfilling relationships do it for the children or for security or a number of others reasons.

Valerie Lipstein, the CEO of Inspired Living Now, a coaching and consulting business is committed to supporting couples thrive personally and professionally.

She knows firsthand how horrible this feels and how it impacts everything in your life when your relationship is rocky. She and her husband of 33 years have experienced difficult times and almost “gave up” until they made a commitment to live and love courageously.

They have created the Courageous Loving Program to support couples and incorporates what they did in their own marriage and many other practical strategies with proven results. Valerie’s husband, Michael, is a psychotherapist specializing in working with couples. Their approach combines proven methods from counseling and coaching modalities.

Check it out and let me know what you think!

https://ue145.infusionsoft.com/go/COUPLES/Candess


5 Love Languages to Better Communication

“People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need.” 
― Gary ChapmanThe Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages teaches us to understand what makes us feel loved and what makes our loved ones feel loved. The five languages are 1) Words of Affirmation 2) Quality Time 3) Gifts 4) Acts of Service and 5) Physical Touch.

Have you ever had a friend who continually is asking for validation? A current or past love who is always touching you as you walk by, rubbing your shoulders, cuddling when you watch a movie? Someone who shops and is buying themselves gifts all the time? These may be clues to their love language.

If your mother’s love language is quality time, getting her a gift certificate for massage would not excite her the way taking her to an off-Broadway play would.

If you have a friend whose love language is Acts of Service, making her a book of coupons for services such as babysitting or yard work may be more important to her than getting her a new scarf.

If your loved one’s first love language is physical touch, you may want to plan a quiet evening alone and give each other foot rubs with a sensual essential oil.

You can take an online test at http://fivelovelanguages.com/ to find out your own love language. Let your family and friends know what your love language is and in doing this you may be able to explore theirs as well. You may find you score high on a few love languages. Let your loved ones know this and how they would express this to you.

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My highest score is Acts of Service, although Quality Time and Physical Touch are close behind.  When I think of this I remember a boyfriend who built a fence around my yard and how loved I felt. More recently friends wrote reviews for my book and it was the greatest expression of love they could have given me. I especially appreciate my friend David Sandoval, MD, an immunologist who wrote the review on the back of my book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine.


Listen before it’s too Late!

 

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. CoveyThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

 

It is an enlightening view, sitting in my chair in my office as a mental health counselor. I am honored to sit with clients as they share about their lives and their relationships and I see themes unfold.

We have ended the year and are into the New Year.  As I look ahead at new beginnings, it reminds me of one of the most common themes. When working with couples, I notice that, for most, by the time they enter my office, it’s too late.

couples

Too often one of them attempted continually to communicate with the other, without being heard. Sadly, I watch their last attempt to keep the marriage together. The partner, let’s say the man, who has not really heard, but has listened as if she was nagging or on a rampage over something, finally understands. It is too late now for him to realize that what she was saying was important. So important, that the marriage is now over. I see him groveling and trying to make sense of it all. In the safety of another person (me) she says, “I’m sorry, but it is just too late.”

Many of us have ended relationships before the New Year. I remember myself, many years ago, sitting outside Nordstroms, having coffee with my lover on December 29th. I said, “I am sorry, but it’s over.” This was difficult to say and it was painful. I had felt though, that what I said over and over, didn’t matter and I was “pushing the river,” in order to create a change for us. It didn’t work. Once I was honest and ended the relationship; although painful, it was also exhilarating.

When I am with clients and they are suffering over a relationship, I often ask, “when did you first know this was not the right situation for you?” More than I would like to hear, they say, “in the beginning.” If not, they knew years before they decided to make a change.

Whether it be a love relationship, a work relationship or a family situation, “when you begin to lose your voice, your self-esteem, your sense of personal power; it is time to make some kind of a shift.”


The Five Love Languages

With Valentine’s Day ahead there is a lot of energy around passion, love, hearts and connection. This is a great day to honor the ones we love with a giftand you may honor yourself with a gift as well!

This is also a great time to make a deeper connection with those we love by understanding how to “be” with our loved ones, on this special day and everyday!

Gary Chapman in his book The Five Love Languages teaches us to understand what makes us feel loved and what makes our loved ones feel loved. The five languages are 1) Words of Affirmation 2) Quality Time 3) Gifts 4) Acts of Service and 5) Physical Touch.

Have you ever had a friend who continually is asking for validation? A current or past love who is always touching you as you walk by, rubbing your shoulders, cuddling when you watch a movie? Someone who shops and is buying themselves gifts all the time? These may be clues to their love language

If your mother’s love language is Quality Time, getting her a gift certificate for massage would not excite her the way taking her to an off-Broadway play would.

If you have a friend whose love language is Acts of Service, making her a book of coupons for services such as babysitting or yard work may be more important to her than getting her a new scarf.

If your loved one’s first love language is Physical Touch, you may want to plan a quiet evening alone and give each other foot rubs with a sensual essential oil.

You can take an online test at http://fivelovelanguages.com/ to find out your own love language. Let your family and friends know what your love language is and in doing this you may be able to explore theirs as well.

You may find you score high on a few love languages. Let your loved ones know your language and what it would look like for them to behave in this love language.  My highest score is Acts of Service, although Quality Time and Physical Touch are close behind.  When I think of this I remember a past boyfriend who built a fence around my yard and how loved I felt.

More recently, friends wrote reviews for my upcoming book 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine and it was the greatest expression of love they could have given me.

Enjoy exploring your Love Language with a friend this month of February!