Penance

Penance, reminded my brother is a very lonely place.

Sarah Winman , When God Was a Rabbit

Okay, I was back to the gym and Luke, my trainer changed up my routine. In the racquetball court he set up a ladder. Okay, I was ready to do penance since I exercised less that I would have liked when he was on vacation. I felt like an athlete running through these ropes.

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Luke asked me if I was okay with myself or upset with myself since I didn’t follow through with the program he set up for me to do when he was gone. That was a good question. The truth is, I have been loving and compassionate with myself in this process of losing weight and increasing my health.

At this point, I need to eat less to continue losing weight and I need to increase my cardio. What I noticed is that on the days I went to the gym I walked Domingo longer and more often. I was more active all day long. On the days I didn’t go to the gym, I was less active.

Today, I’m not ready to make a specific commitment toward increasing cardio on a regular basis, but in the twilight state tonight, right before I fall asleep, I will prime my subconscious by seeing myself doing several activities to raise my heart rate such as riding my bike, walking faster or running, and my favorite – dancing!

I believe in being gentle with myself. Having adrenal fatigue has taught me that pushing myself just pushes me down, and encouraging, loving, and rewarding myself allows me to be positive and honest with myself.

Candesscampbell.com

 Iwannabeaskinnybitch.com


On track with my Training!

Day Eight – (This was last Wednesday)

Today was the first day of training! Domingo walked me first thing this morning!

The Club has a lot of stairs up to the gym and I was surprised I had to stop half way up and take a breath. After putting my items in my day locker I was ready to venture up another set of steps to meet Luke. Surprisingly I ran these stairs without effort. What is that about? Met with Luke at the gym. He started me on the weight bench face up with hand weights. Soon I realized that even sitting up from a laying position was more than my back to do and so we agreed he would take the weights and I could turn on my side to get up. Ugh!

My intention is to be gentle with myself and just witness and I have done well so far. My mind did wander back though to when I considered myself macho and had definition in my shoulder muscles. Oh, mid 1990s. That was 20 years ago. Watching my slow unsteady movement with the free weights was a real wake up call to how truly out of shape I am!

Athletics_top

Next was the Nautilus for my back, where I learned to squeeze as he pressed the middle of my back. Was I ever mistaken! I really thought I knew what I needed and could do it on my own. His training is so attentive and so different than what I expected. I see this could change my life!

raquet

 Wow! My eyes lit up when we went to the racquetball court for lunges. Have to digress here. When I used to work at a Federal Prison camp (as a counselor,) I worked out regularly with my dear friend and coworker Herm. We had a great time spotting each other and we both got a great workout; thus the definition in my shoulders. Well, one day we invited another coworker; I’ll call Carlos to play racquetball. Mind you, I am not a good racquetball player, but it was fun and a lot of exercise. Well, Carlos could not just have fun. First he tried to teach me. I didn’t want to be taught, I wanted to play for fun. Next, he came onto me sexually. Yuk! We were there to play racquetball. Next, he started putting me down. Really? I quickly realized that the three ways he knew how to be with women were to 1 – tell them what to do or how to do it 2 – treat them as sexual objects or 3 – be verbally abusive. Well, that was the last time he was invited to play.

Nevertheless, my eyes did light up at the Club because I loved racquetball. Loved the fun I had with my friend and also the high that comes from fun exercise and belly laughs!

Back to lunges. It was interesting how I realized how poor my balance was. I moved to the side of the wall in case I needed to touch it for support. My lunges seemed to be fairly good for the first time and I enjoyed it. Next planks.

plank

Laying on the mat I did my first plank. The tension in my lower back was of concern, but my shoulders did well. Luke was a gentleman and although I only made 10 seconds at a time, he was kind. The second set was a killer. My mantra was “torture.” The third set surprisingly was much easier and I sat back in the child’s pose and thanked my body for all she did today!

Okay, I am on track!

Iwannabeaskinnybitch!