The Victim Archetype

“The soul always knows what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind” 

 Caroline Myss

Yesterday I shared information about the Saboteur Archetype and asked you to journal about your own Saboteur. I committed to doing this myself to find out what was underneath my over-caffeinating behavior on the drive to Sisters, Oregon.

What an incredible experience it was. I sat at my friend Susie’s house overlooking the mountains and journaled. What I realized was I was actually stressed to make this long drive, but I wasn’t letting myself feel this. Instead of planning to care for myself on the drive, I just pushed through.

photo[2]

The other issue was, as much as I was delighted to go to The Healer’s Gathering, I was hesitant to spend three days in a group of 100 people. Being extremely sensitive has been great for my work as a psychic medium, but it also makes some other situations challenging.

Moving to our Healer Archetype!

Moving to our Healer Archetype!

When I journaled, I realized that often in my life I have been over-stimulated in situations where others do just fine. For many years I didn’t understand that I was so sensitive and often my responses appeared to others that I was being a victim. Today I know that those of us who fit the category of Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) have to take care of ourselves and plan ahead. It has been nearly impossible for me to communicate so others understand the situation, and it just created conflict.

To all the other HSPs – You are not victims! Say yes to self-care! I’m listening to this too!

In another blog I will share more about Highly Sensitive Persons, but today I want to continue with Archetypes and share about the Victim Archetype.

This information comes from information from Caroline Myss’ work in her Sacred Contracts book and the classes I took from her on Medical Intuition and Sacred Contracts. I have also added information that I have gained from working as a mental health counselor and chemical dependency professional for over 20 years.

Remember that we all have 4 archetypes that we share. These are the Child, Victim, Saboteur and Prostitute.  The gift of the Victim Archetype is Self-Esteem. 

In the process of self-healing, you have to come to terms with your victim self and move beyond this state of being. You can identify your victim, confront the behavior, love and forgive yourself and bring your energy into present time. In fact, unless you can bring at least 80% of your energy into present time, you will not have the power to self-heal. What do I mean by bringing yourself into present time? Watch your thoughts. Do you go off to the future (which can create anxiety) or drift off to the past (which can cause depression) or are you able to be present in the moment?

Enjoy exploring this archetype that can bring you high self-esteem once you embrace this part of yourself and move on!

Victim Archetype

Guardian of Self Esteem

Core issue is whether it is worth giving up your own sense of empowerment to avoid taking responsibility for your independence.

When you don’t stand up for yourself after awhile you no longer can tell the difference whether you are being victimized or not; so either you are being victimized and don’t know it or you are not being victimized, but act as if you are.

  • The victim archetype helps you decide what you will or will not do; a guardian of personal boundaries.

  • Lessons associated with the victim archetype demand that you evaluate your relationship to power, especially with people with whom you have control issues and have to set boundaries.

  • Primary objective is to develop self-esteem and personal power.

  • You have contracts with people whose primary purpose is to help you develop yourself-esteem through acts of honesty, integrity, courage, endurance and self-respect.

  • The victim will entice you to feel sorry for yourself.

  • You can act like a victim and give in or call upon your companions and guides for help.

  • Like the lion in the Wizard of Oz, you need to have the courage to look at your victim and make it your ally.

  • Do you victimize yourself in the way you interpret conversations with other people?

  • Does your victim alert you to protect yourself rather than letting people take advantage of you?

  • Does your victim motivate you to be shrewd in the dealings of whatever house it is in?

  • Does your empowered victim allow you to take risks in your life?

  • The victim urges us to act appropriately when we are in danger of being victimized.

  • The victim can alert us to being victimized through passivity and rash or inappropriate actions.

  • It can also alert us to how we victimize others for personal gain.

  • In shadow it may show how we play victim for sympathy or pity.

Join with me in delving into this Victim Archetype in your journal!

 

http://candesscampbell.com

http://iwannabeaskinnybitch.com 

 


Showing up with Humor!

“Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with your self esteem.” 

― Kurt Cobain

 

Feeling happy that this blog is about health and not just weight loss and exercise or I would be in big trouble. Although the scale is going down, I have been remiss in much exercise this week.

On Friday, at the gym, Luke introduced me to a couple new exercises, which was great. Then my daughter picked me up and dropped me off at the Dentist downtown. I had a procedure that has left me loopy for a few days with the Hydrocodone.

hsn

I briefly remember being on the phone Saturday evening with HSN. I don’t generally watch HSN and now I am waiting daily to see if Rick, my letter carrier is going to ring the doorbell with a package. Hmm. . . wonder what I might have ordered?

Thankfully I am off the Hydrocodone and I don’t like it at all. I’m treating my pain with Tylenol, but not talking much.

Even with the pain, with the exception of one day, Domingo has walked me daily and most often twice a day. I’m looking forward to feeling better and being back to the gym!

Iwannabeaskinnybitch!


Let others get to Know You!

 

“But you can’t get away from yourself. You can’t decide not to see yourself anymore. You can’t decide to turn off the noise in your head.” 
― Jay AsherThirteen Reasons Why

 

Connecting with others can be a warm, inviting and loving experience. This is true especially when we know ourselves well and allow others to get to know us. Actually, it is through letting others get to know us that we do learn about ourselves.

Some of us isolate and don’t get consistent feedback from others from their expressions, communication or touch. Some have so many people around them that they get lost in the chaos and no one really gets to know them at all.

Rachel

I remember many years ago meeting a new friend. She had the incredible ability to communicate clearly and directly and she often shared with me how she saw me. When this happened, I began not only to understand how others saw me, but I also saw the part of me that she saw. Having been in survival mode most of my life, having two children by the time I was 18 and being a single mom, I didn’t have time to do much other than work and had little self-reflection. At that time I had self-esteem as well. The gift she gave me by sharing how she saw me was precious. For the first time I was able to see my own spirit nature and the softness in my heart.

There have been many more experiences like this and some that were not so positive. I’ll share these later.

So today, if you get the chance, take the time to reflect back to someone what you see in them that they may not see. Lift them with your ability to see their true being, their beauty, the essence of who they are. 


9 Ways to Identify a Dysfunctional Relationship

“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.” 
― C.G. Jung

 

Have you ever been in a relationship where you feel like you are crazy? This was a familiar feeling for me as a young woman when the love of my life was alcoholic and I came from an alcoholic home. Then I became a chemical dependency counselor, and began to understand. When you are in a relationship with someone who is addicted, you often feel like you are crazy.

Addiction female

How do you know if your relationship is dysfunctional?

1. You keep saying the same thing over and over again and it does not help the situation. You are either not heard or ignored.

2. You do everything you can to fix the situation to no avail. 

3. Your friends get tired of your ongoing drama and you feel isolated.

4. You begin to doubt yourself.

5. Tension builds and there may be an outburst (yours or theirs) and then there is the period where things go better and you feel guilty and try harder, just to end up right where you were before, only deeper, more depressed, uncertain, depressed or exhausted.

6. You make excuses for his behavior.

7. You hold onto any kind word or gesture and immediate think it will get better, even though it never does.

8. You think you will never be able to find anyone else and so you stay.

9. You feel confined, trapped and are afraid to leave.

This is the pattern of being in a dysfunctional relationship. You begin to feel like you are crazy. I see this often in my counseling private practice. It is usually the partner of the addict who shows up for advice. The addict himself rarely seeks out help. Too often when the codependent realizes she has to make some changes, she stops coming until the situation escalates. In order for an addict to hit bottom they usually have to have legal trouble, health issues, lose their job, lose their family, or death.

If you find you are in this kind of relationship, before your self-esteem tanks totally, I strongly encourage you to educate yourself. One resource I like is the book Codependent No More by Melody Beatty. I also suggest contacting a local counselor that is educated in chemical dependency. When you get to the stage of feeling crazy, reach out for help before the disastrous incident. There is help!

 Watch for the blog on Addictive Relationships!

http://candesscampbell.com/


Listen before it’s too Late!

 

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. CoveyThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

 

It is an enlightening view, sitting in my chair in my office as a mental health counselor. I am honored to sit with clients as they share about their lives and their relationships and I see themes unfold.

We have ended the year and are into the New Year.  As I look ahead at new beginnings, it reminds me of one of the most common themes. When working with couples, I notice that, for most, by the time they enter my office, it’s too late.

couples

Too often one of them attempted continually to communicate with the other, without being heard. Sadly, I watch their last attempt to keep the marriage together. The partner, let’s say the man, who has not really heard, but has listened as if she was nagging or on a rampage over something, finally understands. It is too late now for him to realize that what she was saying was important. So important, that the marriage is now over. I see him groveling and trying to make sense of it all. In the safety of another person (me) she says, “I’m sorry, but it is just too late.”

Many of us have ended relationships before the New Year. I remember myself, many years ago, sitting outside Nordstroms, having coffee with my lover on December 29th. I said, “I am sorry, but it’s over.” This was difficult to say and it was painful. I had felt though, that what I said over and over, didn’t matter and I was “pushing the river,” in order to create a change for us. It didn’t work. Once I was honest and ended the relationship; although painful, it was also exhilarating.

When I am with clients and they are suffering over a relationship, I often ask, “when did you first know this was not the right situation for you?” More than I would like to hear, they say, “in the beginning.” If not, they knew years before they decided to make a change.

Whether it be a love relationship, a work relationship or a family situation, “when you begin to lose your voice, your self-esteem, your sense of personal power; it is time to make some kind of a shift.”


The Ugly Duckling

“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.”
― Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

November 1843, Hans Christian Andersen’s story, The Ugly Duckling was published in Copenhagen, Denmark. This amazing fairy tale has been read and re-read by adults and children alike, all over the world.

duckThe story, as you probably know, is about a baby bird raised by a mother duck in a flock of other ducklings. The bird was teased and bullied unmercifully throughout his life, because he looked different and behaved differently. As an adult, the bird sought out and joined a flock of swans finding them to be beautiful birds. Although he expected the same abuse, the swans were open to his joining with them and they accept him. One day this ugly duck saw his reflection in the water and realized he was not an ugly duck at all, but really was a beautiful swan. He found his flock and fit right in. He was transformed.

Common to all of us is the desire to be heard, seen and understood. Many of us can relate to this archetypal story of not fitting in and finding ourselves teased, attacked or excluded. We continued to look for and hoped to find “our people”, our flock or our tribe. In the journey of doing so, we often changed our opinions or beliefs. Sometimes we gave up our voice and became silent, all in an attempt to fit in.

So often I hear someone telling another person what “the truth” is and insist on what they “should” be doing or thinking. Communication becomes about what is right or wrong. Opinions become polarized and those who do not agree with either the loudest voice or the group voice can be intimidated, shamed or alienated.

Over the years, the precious beliefs developed as young people get lost in the mass of voices and one’s self-esteem takes a hit. So often when working with clients, the undercurrent of their situation is a feeling of being unworthy or undeserving. How others have treated them guides their beliefs about themselves.

What would happen if, instead of stating your opinion and telling someone what you think, you asked the person to explain more about what they were saying? Wouldn’t it be interesting to see how your relationships change if you went into conversations with the sole purpose of understanding their point of view. How would your posture change if you were there just to receive, to just hear the story?

My focus is on Relationship for the New Year. I challenge you in the month of January, and hopefully throughout the year, to practice “just listening.”

Now, there will be times to share your opinion and have debates of course, and to enjoy the fun and creativity of a dispute, but let’s change it up a bit. Think about a few people in your life that are important to you. Make a conscious choice to have a couple conversations with them where you just “hold the space” for their musings, for their sharing, for how they see the world. Experience them deeply. Look into their eyes and be present to them. Give them the gift of being heard, seen, and understood. Bring them into your fold and see them as the swan they truly are. Allow your loved ones to be transformed by the incredible generosity of your listening.

Candess M. Campbell, PhD is the #1 Best-selling author of 12 Weeks to Self-Healing: Transforming Pain through Energy Medicine. She is an international Psychic Medium, Intuitive Consultant, Speaker, and has practiced as a mental health and chemical dependency counselor for over 30 years.