Change your Mood

“I have the choice of being constantly active and happy or introspectively passive and sad.

Or I can go mad by ricocheting in between.” 

― Sylvia PlathThe Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

When in sessions with clients, it is common they share memories and situations from the past. Memories from five, ten, twenty years ago surface as if they were happening right now. As they tell their story and express their feelings I can see the anger, fear, or sadness take over.

Healing the feelings from the past is important, but often there is the tendency to re-play the past and then the feelings don’t heal. The feelings deepen like water that flows to form a crevice in the earth.

What is great is you have control over what you think and this affects your feelings! It takes practice, but you can change this habit.

When you begin to re-play something from the past that is painful or negative. STOP. Think about what was positive about the person or experience.  Write it down. This does not undo what you feel they did to you, but it does help free YOU from the past. You are in control!

Try writing about the situation from the outside looking in. Then write it again from the other person’s perspective. This can be amazing!

You can also replace the negative memory with another experience that was positive. For instance I image playful times with my friends or my experience swimming with spinner dolphins.

You have more direct control over changing your thinking than your feelings so think yourself into feeling happy, joyful and alive!


Changing Your Mood

When in sessions with clients, it is common they share memories and situations from the past. Memories from five, ten, twenty years ago surface as if they were happening right now. I see their feelings and physiology follow their story.

Healing the feelings from the past is important, but often there is the tendency to re-play the past and then the feelings don’t heal. The feelings deepen like water that flows to form a crevice in the sand.

What’s great is that you have control over what you think and this affects your feelings! It takes practice, but you can change this habit.

When you begin to re-play something from the past that is painful or negative. STOP. Think about what was positive about the person or experience. Write it down. This does not undo what you feel they did to you, but it does help free YOU from the past. You are in control!

Try writing about the situation from the outside looking in. Then write it again from the other person’s perspective. This can be amazing!

You have more direct control over changing your thinking than your feelings, so think yourself into feeling happy, joyful and alive!


Changing Beliefs in the New Year

As we think about New Year’s Resolutions, it seems to me in order to end the year with the desires we chart at the beginning of the year, we need to change our beliefs. Valerie Lipstein, a Results Specialist, Certified Coach and Consultant has agreed to share with us about changing Beliefs!

Valerie, there are so many people today who are hoping to make changes in their lives by changing their beliefs. I understand you teach about changing beliefs. What do you teach?

I love this topic and believe it’s one of the biggest stumbling blocks to our success.  Our beliefs are so powerful and they affect around 80% of our behavior and the results we get.   In fact, the Law of Cause and Effect says that our results are reflective of our thinking yet many still believe that their results are the cause of some outside force or circumstance. It is true that many people want to make changes, however without knowing about and learning how to re-program the subconscious mind imprinting it with what they really desire, most people do not change. They become frustrated and look at outside circumstances as the culprit.

You must understand the concepts first and then have strategies and practices to shift outdated, ineffective and destructive paradigms.   Thinking authentically and asking empowering questions are two powerful strategies.  Most people think shallow thoughts and their results in life are reflective of this.

Situations occur all the time. We often label them “good” or “bad.”  We are unhappy when things seem bad yet once we get in harmony with the immutable laws of the universe we realize that situations are really neutral.  It’s our surface mind that attaches the labels which can keep us in our prisons; all the while we only need to push the door open and walk outside.

We look at our beliefs and challenge the dis-empowering ones. We really live in an abundant universe. To know this truth and live from it is very powerful and will create success. It is a practice and takes discipline. There is not a lack of resources on this planet, yet there are millions who live in poverty; all the while abundance exists.  The problem is with distribution, awareness, and perhaps greed.

In The Science of Getting Rich, Wallace Wattles speaks about this being the hardest work we ever can do, “To think what you want to think is to think TRUTH regardless of appearances….To think according to appearances is easy; to think truth regardless of appearances is laborious and requires the expenditure of more power than any other work man is called upon to perform.”

My mentor, Mary Morrissey, says that “we don’t deny the facts; we deny the facts to control us.”  When we allow the outside circumstances to control how we feel and act we are dis-empowered.

Many people do not have a direction for their lives, living by default doing what they have always done yet not really thriving.  It’s like sleep walking through life.  I experienced this for almost a decade until my wake-up call.

I support people to get a crystal clear vision of the life they would love to live and support them to get their results.  Success starts with a strong desire for something.  We look at longings and discontent and start there as these are powerful signals that a person is out of alignment with their true nature. We look at 5 domains: Financial well-being, spirituality, relationships, career/creativity and health/well-being.

What are the most important behaviors to assure that changing one’s beliefs can impact their lives on a daily basis?

  • Foremost, pay attention to what you are paying attention to.  Our subconscious mind reads our attention as our intention.  We will create our results from this mode.
  • Be in a structure of support, it is very difficult to do this work without support.  Mastermind groups, mentoring, being around people of increase awareness
  • Study daily and be a life long learner-successful people are open and receptive to new ideas and are willing to challenge themselves
  • Practice Gratitude-gratitude is at the heart of successful people’s lives.  This is not kindergarten gratitude for things we have or when things are good.  This is gratitude in all situations, which is transforming
  • Have a daily practice to quiet the mind-Intuition can only be accessed when we are open and receptive.

What is the belief you changed that had the biggest impact in your life?

I was living my life by default in 2005 and felt stuck. On the one hand I had been studying spiritual and personal growth principles and had made some advancement. Yet, I did not fully grasp the concept of how powerful our habitual thinking can be.  I was working as a Social Worker at a state agency, making good money with great medical benefits. I looked successful and felt horrible.  I was living for Fridays and dreading Mondays. Being raised in a family where safety and security were valued over passion and creativity, I adopted this belief. My parents were products of the depression. You stay at your job even if you don’t like it because you get that weekly paycheck.  My rationale mind didn’t agree, yet my subconscious mind ruled.  The belief was affecting my whole life, yet I didn’t know it.  All I knew was that I was unhappy and felt STUCK.  I had lost my passion for social work yet I had excuses and rationalizations for staying.

Bob Proctor said, “You can’t get out of a prison unless you know you are in one.”  It took a life changing phone call to snap me out of my prison. My best friend I had known since I was 17 died suddenly, she was only 52.  Susan was living from her passion, however, when she died.  I had a choice; I knew intuitively I had to take it or I would continue to live in my prison. My prison was my thinking.  Once I changed my thinking, realizing that I could create a life I loved and did not have to “settle”, my whole world changed.  Now I do work that I love, making a difference in the world by supporting others to live from their passion.  Most days I wake up and can honestly say, “I really love my life.”  What a gift!  I am so grateful for the opportunity I was given to begin again. 

What services do you have available to assist others in this important practice?

I offer individual and group coaching programs. They include Think & Grow Rich Masterminds, The DreamBuilder™, Working with the Law™ and Into Your Genius™.  Additional services include quarterly seminars and motivational speaking.

You can reach Valerie at

Phone: 509-869-0255

Email: info@inspiredlivingforyou.com

Website: www.inspiredlivingforyou.com


Communication and Whole Brain Thinking

I am honored and delighted to share this interview with Susie Leonard Weller. She shared with me that children mirror their parent’s brain. I am really curious about this.

Susie teaches Life Skills classes through the Institute for Extended Learning, Adult Basic Education program in Spokane, Washington. She received training through Herrmann International in North Carolina. They studied brain research for over 30 years to improve results at Fortune 500 companies. Susie has applied this research to strengthen family relationships. She is now a Certified Thinking Consultant and her book is Why Don’t You Understand? Improve Family Communication with the 4 Thinking Styles

Susie, I am really curious. What is whole brain thinking?

Susie: Thinking styles are innate preferences for how the brain gathers and processes information in distinct ways. It’s part of who we are. Just like we have a preferred hand to write with, we also have a preferred thinking style. We use our dominant hand more often because it’s easier. In a similar way, our brain requires less effort to talk with someone who shares the same thinking style.

Some people are more left-brained and make logical decisions with their head. Others are more right-brained and make relational decisions with their heart or gut instinct. A whole-brained approach integrates both of the left and the right-brain hemispheres, as well as our intellect and heart.

  • No two people are alike. Our brains are wired differently, right from the start.
  • Most family squabbles are linked to biological differences in how we think.
  • The brain requires 100% more energy to think and communicate in its opposite style.

What styles are there?

Susie: There are four main thinking styles. Imagine the brain as a four-room house. The two upstairs rooms concentrate on problem solving or seeking new solutions. These are called the Logical and Creative thinking styles. The two downstairs rooms focus on handling everyday realities and maintaining relationships. These are called the Practical and Relational thinking styles. Although we might prefer spending more time in some rooms than others, those using a whole-brain approach can access necessary skills from any of these rooms whenever they are needed.

Here’s a brief summary of all four thinking styles:

LOGICAL

Focuses on facts
Clarifies the bottom line
Likes to figure out how things work

CREATIVE

Focuses on thinking outside the box
Is imaginative and playful
Like to be spontaneous

PRACTICAL

Focuses on follow through
Organizes things
Likes to plan ahead

RELATIONAL

Focuses on feelings
Is friendly and supportive
Likes meaningful conversations

How is it that children mirror their parent’s brain?

Susie: Babies are born with “mirror neurons.” They copy everything they see. An infant’s brain is like wet concrete. The earliest impressions make the deepest impact. Experience shapes their brain—both positively and negatively. Repeated patterns become hardwired as established neural pathways. Children “download” their parents’ beliefs and behaviors to survive. By the time children are three years old, about 85% of their brain is already wired with subconscious programming for how to relate to others.

What is the best way to deal with conflict?

Susie: Conflict is a given—even within healthy relationships. The best way to handle conflicts is learning how to respect and leverage our differences. Rather than polarizing people into extreme positions, try to hear the need underlying and fueling their behavior. Learn to speak in ways others understand instead of more “loudly” in your preferred style.

Each thinking style has strengths and challenges. Learn to see them as complementary rather than sources of irritation. For example, when Logicals only focus on the facts and minimize the role of emotions, Relationals feel discounted. And, Relationals need to develop a firm backbone as well as their heart. Likewise, Creatives and Practicals can antagonize each other by refusing to accept each other’s desire to explore options or to make timely decisions.

Opposite styles are like oil and vinegar. They don’t mix easily, but they add great zest to a salad. Rather than take conflicts personally, practice becoming multi-lingual and speak in all four thinking styles whenever needed.

The key to managing conflict is finding win/win solutions to meet each others’ needs. Families are 24/7 learning labs to develop life skills—particularly how to communicate with those who think differently than we do.

How can we best set limits?

Susie: In a half-brained world, discipline styles swing from one extreme to another. But, whole-brained parents know how to balance nurture with structure, as well as to play and problem solve. First, they acknowledge the feelings; then they set an appropriate limit. Adults set clear boundaries and follow through on consequences. Wise parents know when to take charge and when to follow the child’s lead to meet their needs for connection.

What could we do to be a wise parent or a wise communicator?

Susie: Under stress, our brain regresses to a more rigid style. To avoid melt downs, learn to practice the Four C’s of courageous conversations. They will soothe the emotional brain to shift gears more easily to use all four thinking styles as needed.

Logical: Clarify a common goal and code of conduct.

Relational: Care enough to seek understanding (not to prove you’re right) and protect the safety zone so that no one shuts down or becomes aggressive.

Creative: Cultivate choices of both/and rather than either/or positions.

Practical: Commit to practicing mutual respect on a regular basis and express at least five positive comments for every negative one. In my book, I also describe the NARN (Notice, Accept, Reflect & Nurture) Process for shifting the brain to a higher gear when triggered:

1. NOTICE what’s happening—physical, emotional and mental warning signals

2. ACCEPT and work with what is, rather than deny or dismiss it.

3. REFLECT on other possible options to resolve this situation or find ways to re-frame it.

4. NURTURE yourself by choosing a concrete action to calm yourself within this moment—breathe deeply, take a break, stretch, listen to music or hum a song.

In our half brain world, more whole-brain families are needed. Our children will face increasing complexities and challenges. As Albert Einstein said, “The problems we are causing can’t be resolved in the same state of consciousness in which we created them.” Our future depends on our ability to use our whole, creative brain to discover new ways to respect how we think, communicate, relate, play and even pray together.

Thank you Susie. This is a good beginning. How can readers get more information?

You can download FREE excerpts from my book by visiting my website: www.susieweller.com

In addition, for those who contact me, I’ll send a FREE 13-page report with 30 tips for how to calm yourself in stressful moments. They are organized by each thinking style to soothe you from head to toe.

Susie Leonard Weller, M.A. for personal coaching

Call USA (509) 255-6676

Email her at weller.susie@gmail.com or visit www.susieweller.com