Improvising or am I just plain spoiled!

 

“You are a manipulator.  I like to think of myself more as an outcome engineer.” 

― J.R. WardLover Eternal

Wow, previously I posted about pairing my working (which is easy for me to do each day) with exercise, which is much more difficult because I am often working. In the earlier post, I showed the photo of my Kindle on the plastic shelf on my recumbent bike. It was easy for me to ride for 10 miles that day!

And then I thought – what about watching webinars or writing blogs, or updating my websites while I was riding my bike! Look what I found!

IMG_3157

 

I now have a plastic tray that holds my Mac Air laptop. I decided to give it to myself for my birthday which is in February. I am not much of a shopper, but I do splurge around my birthday!

Okay! This is great! Let’s see how I do!

Share with me ways you get yourself to show up for your exercise routine.

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Listen before it’s too Late!

 

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
― Stephen R. CoveyThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

 

It is an enlightening view, sitting in my chair in my office as a mental health counselor. I am honored to sit with clients as they share about their lives and their relationships and I see themes unfold.

We have ended the year and are into the New Year.  As I look ahead at new beginnings, it reminds me of one of the most common themes. When working with couples, I notice that, for most, by the time they enter my office, it’s too late.

couples

Too often one of them attempted continually to communicate with the other, without being heard. Sadly, I watch their last attempt to keep the marriage together. The partner, let’s say the man, who has not really heard, but has listened as if she was nagging or on a rampage over something, finally understands. It is too late now for him to realize that what she was saying was important. So important, that the marriage is now over. I see him groveling and trying to make sense of it all. In the safety of another person (me) she says, “I’m sorry, but it is just too late.”

Many of us have ended relationships before the New Year. I remember myself, many years ago, sitting outside Nordstroms, having coffee with my lover on December 29th. I said, “I am sorry, but it’s over.” This was difficult to say and it was painful. I had felt though, that what I said over and over, didn’t matter and I was “pushing the river,” in order to create a change for us. It didn’t work. Once I was honest and ended the relationship; although painful, it was also exhilarating.

When I am with clients and they are suffering over a relationship, I often ask, “when did you first know this was not the right situation for you?” More than I would like to hear, they say, “in the beginning.” If not, they knew years before they decided to make a change.

Whether it be a love relationship, a work relationship or a family situation, “when you begin to lose your voice, your self-esteem, your sense of personal power; it is time to make some kind of a shift.”


Sentence Stems for the New Year!

Many of us are making positive changes in our lives in the New Year.  I’d like to offer you a writing tool for making changes called Sentence Stems. The best way to do this is to find a notebook or journal and a fast writing pen.  There are two ways to use these stems. One is to just complete the sentence as fast as you can without thinking. The second way is to complete the sentence and then journal for 20 minutes. When you journal for 20 minutes you can set a timer and when you are stuck just write, “I don’t know what to say” over and over until you become unstuck. This takes you deeper, underneath the surface thoughts. If you would prefer typing that is fine. These are both great tools. Enjoy!

   Family

I can improve my relationships with my family this year by . . .

What I need to complete with my family is . . .

I am happiest with my family when . . .

 

   Work/Career

What challenges me about my work is . . .

What I love about my work is . . .

When I have my ideal work situation I will be . . .

    Friends

I support my friends the most by . . .

The friends I depend upon the most provide me with . . .

I am really drained by . . .

   Health

This year I will improve my health by . . .

I get frustrated with myself when I continue to . . .

My health is so much better since I . . .

   Creativity/Spirituality

This year I will make time to . . .

I am so fulfilled and ecstatic when I . . .

Gratitude fills my heart when . . .

   Travel/Play

Play for me is . . .

My travel plans for this year are . . .

I am most alive when I . . .