“Sure it hurts, but if you love someone, you forgive them.” Blanche
“Somethings you forgive, somethings you never forgive.” Kate”
Recently at Interplayers Theatre, I saw the play Brighton Beach Memoirs by Neil Simon. It was an incredible performance that exemplified the topic at hand – conflict.
The story is about Eugene, an adolescent, Jewish boy in 1937. He recalls his memories of living with his parents, aunt, two female cousins, and his brother at a time when he was going through puberty, sexual fantasy, poverty, and living in a crowed home. In this play, Eugene Jerome, played by Nich Witham, gave an over-exaggerated sense (in a fantastic performance) of not being heard and doing what he could to find his place and get his needs met in this family.
This play was a great backdrop for me to expound on how to resolve conflict and the pitfalls of communication. Here are some helpful steps.
Clear with this person on an energetic level.
1. Ground your energy. Here is a video that will teach you to do this. http://bit.ly/wBHJbh
2. You have an aura around you which is part of your energetic self. Imagine pulling your aura in around your body. Pull it in about 6 – 8 inches around you.
3. Focus in your heart and bring your attention out of the top of your head into the heavens.
4. Image the person there with you. At this level, send them love from your heart. You may also imagine sending them golden white Light from your heart.
5. If you can do this without anger or negative feelings, talk with them at this level
6. Come back down, image yourself filling up with golden white Light and release any leftover energy down your grounding cord.
Steps to resolve conflict in person.
1. Write out the situation in your journal and then re-read it the next day. Sometimes it helps to do this a few times, so that you can become clear on what happened and what you want to communicate.
2. Become aware of your own part of the situation, even if you perceive it to be minor in comparison to the other person.
3. If you are angry, look at where you may be feeling hurt or fearful. These emotions are often right under the surface of anger. Feel your feelings and let them go. Journal them over and over if need be.
4. Contact the person you are having conflict with and use clear, direct, honest communication. I suggest you meet in person (not via text or email) because this allows you not only to read the body language, but also to open your heart.
5. Give the other person the chance to communicate their side completely. It is helpful to use the words, “I heard you say,” and repeat back to them what you heard and let them clarify. This helps them to feel heard. You can hear what someone is saying without agreeing with them. It is important that you hear.
6. Once the other person feels heard, share your side. They may not listen well and you may not feel heard. If that is the case use the broken record method. Continue to say the core message again and again, “I hear what you say, and ______.” Yes, that is true, and _______.” Do this until they are able to understand they are not hearing you.
7. Make a request of the person such as “My request is we put this behind us and go on from here,” or “My request is that we continue to meet and talk weekly until we can resolve this.” You can use whatever it is that you desire.
8. Trust your intuition, and use as many of these steps as you would like. If the person is not willing to meet with you or clear the situation with you, then move on and let it go. No longer allow them into your energy field and set healthy boundaries. (I will share more about this in a future video and blog.)
Sometimes people have a hard time clearing conflict because of negative communication patterns. Often these reactions were learned in early childhood as a survival response to a dysfunctional family. In this case they may triangle in other people to take sides, or become passive aggressive and rather than talking with you directly, they will be passive in their aggression in a subversive manner.
One of the books I recommend for healthy communication is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg
You can find other valuable information at http://candesscampbell.com/books/self-help-toolbox
With the holidays coming we are not the only ones who are stressed. Learn from Mary Getten, an animal communicator.
Mary, I am so happy to do this interview with you. I remember many years ago talking to you about my miniature poodle, Friday. As an animal communicator, you gave me so much information about him. I was so excited I signed up and took your class!
Mary, what is an Animal Communicator?
Mary: An animal communicator is someone who is able to telepathically communicate with your animal. In this mode, we connect energetically mind-to-mind or heart-to-heart with the animal and act as a link between you and your pet, so in essence, we have a three-way conversation. Some communicators do this in person, but most of us work at a distance on the telephone. Animal communicators might get mental pictures, hear words, get emotional or physical feelings, an intuitive sense of knowing, or all of these during a consultation. This is an innate ability that we are all born with but have been socialized out of using. With a little training and a lot of practice, anyone can regain this skill to communicate with all life.
What issues might arise that contacting you or another animal communicator would be helpful?
Mary: I work with people who are having behavior issues like barking, fighting, soiling in the house, fear, anxiety – anything that you would like to change. I have many calls about health issues, if the animal has pain, why it’s not eating, and sometimes for insight when the vet can’t figure out what’s wrong. I deal with questions about death and dying, upcoming changes in the household, to find out if the animal would like another animal friend, or just to check-in and see if there is anything the pet needs or wants. It is my job to understand what is going on from the animal’s perspective and then work with the person to see how they can resolve any issues. Sometimes it involves negotiation and problem solving, but it always creates more harmony and understanding in their relationship.
How might we better communicate with our pets?
Mary: When you speak to your animal, always talk about what you DO want, never about what you don’t want. Animals are reading the mental pictures we unconsciously create when we speak, so if we talk about what we don’t want, we are picturing the unwanted behavior. Speak slowly and hold a mental picture of what you DO want, and your animal will understand – encourage them to chew on their toys instead of telling them to not chew on the drapes.
I have a Cairn terrier mix named Domingo. I know he stresses easily, especially around the holidays when there is fireworks. What do you suggest we do for our pets to help them deal with the stress of the holidays?
Mary: If you know that your animal gets stressed during holidays, it’s important to think ahead and come up with a plan. I highly recommend doing emotional release techniques such as EFT or the Emotion Code for any issues that you already know about. This will help to release the emotions permanently. You might also give your pet flower essences that address their specific issues (fear, shyness, etc) or Rescue Remedy for general calming. It is also very important that you explain what will be happening over the holiday (strangers in the house, loud noises, etc.) and reassure your animal that they will be happy and safe during this time. Show them a mental video of what to expect and be sure to show them happy and calm in the video. And above all else, keep yourself calm and your animal will follow suit.
When I was in Hawaii in 2008, I swam in the middle of the ocean with about 40 spinner dolphins. It was the most incredible experience I have had in my life! Do you do any workshops with dolphins?
Mary: I LOVE dolphins and every year I take a lucky group of people to swim with wild dolphins in the Bahamas. My next trip is May 13-19, 2012. All the details are on my website at http://www.rockisland.com/~mg/pages/dolphin.html. I also co-created a computer based training DVD called Whale Communicators, that is more than 5 hours of instruction about whales and dolphins, animal communication and how to connect with these amazing beings. You can find out more and order it at http://whalecommunicators.com/dvd.html.
What classes do you have available and what would one expect to learn in your class?
Mary: In my animal communication classes, you will learn how to open your receivers so that you can hear/see/feel what animals are communicating. I also teach classes to connect telepathically and communicate with nature. I offer a one-day workshop on Animal Death and Spirituality where we explore animals’ views on death and connect with our pets in the spirit realm. I also teach a workshop on using Flower Essences with animals. There is information about hosting a workshop in your area at the end of the workshop page on my website.
For all of us that are animal lovers, you offer so much. Thank you so much for this interview.
You can find out more information about Mary Getten and her workshops, trips and services at: http://www.MaryGetten.com